1
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:54,650
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.
2
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,381
Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute
flight from South Bend.
3
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,890
We'll be touching clown at Chicago's
Midway very shortly.
4
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,461
We'd like to thank you for flying
with us today...
5
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,361
...because at Econo Air, we're working
hard to win back your trust.
6
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:12,562
- Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav?
-Sure thing, Rusty.
7
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,137
Thank you very much.
8
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,570
- Oh, and Rusty.
-Mm-hm.
9
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:22,975
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
10
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,376
I was happy to do it.
11
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,849
Just because corporate says
you're too old to fly doesn't make it true.
12
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,079
You're more qualified than us younger guys.
13
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,484
- Means a lot to me.
-Sure thing.
14
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,253
- Oh, and Rusty.
-Mm-hm.
15
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:39,090
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
16
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,663
Yeah.
17
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,401
You bet.
18
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,837
Dad, is that the pilot?
19
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,063
It sure is.
20
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,708
- He just came from the cockpit.
-Whoa.
21
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,038
- Hey there, little guy.
-Hi.
22
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,910
Is this your first time on a plane?
23
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,448
We were planning on driving...
24
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,849
...but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us
to go on his first airplane.
25
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,113
- Oh, is that right?
Uh-huh.
26
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,019
Do you think I can be a pilot
when I grow up?
27
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,023
Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not.
28
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:12,720
You just have to study hard
and listen to your parents, all right?
29
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,458
- Okay, heh.
-Sorry about that.
30
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,433
- Little bit of rough air.
-it's okay.
31
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,697
Yeah, yeah.
32
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,363
Don't worry about it, heh.
33
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,570
Hey, we call that "turbulence," all right?
34
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,234
That's when the plane passes--
35
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,115
So sorry.
36
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,812
Okay, you folks enjoy the rest of your flight.
37
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,484
Let me give you a hand.
38
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,893
Can you please stay the fuck away from us?
39
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,268
Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet.
What are you doing?
40
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,462
Oh, Rusty.
41
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,441
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
42
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,989
Or the time that Pan Continental put us up
at the Ritz in Barcelona.
43
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,858
You know, I'll tell you one thing
about the Spanish women:
44
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,466
- They, uh, love them some airline pilots.
-Heh. They do.
45
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,932
I never took the uniform off,
except when I did.
46
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,707
Ladies.
47
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:44,512
All full. You have to wait for the next one.
48
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,214
- But I was...
-You were what?
49
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,892
I'll catch the next one.
50
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,121
See you around, Econo Air.
51
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,673
- The third time this month.
- I know.
52
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,147
Do something about him.
He's always picking on me.
53
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,310
I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.
54
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,581
- Hi. What's going on here?
-You'll see.
55
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,986
Kevin, get down here, please.
56
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,060
- Look what he did to my guitar.
- Aw. Again'!
57
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,561
God. You told Mom and Dad?
58
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,097
You have such a vagina.
59
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,098
Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man...
60
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,760
...we talked about the bullying
of your older brother.
61
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,430
That's right. We don't make fun of
someone just because they're different.
62
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,401
- I don't have a vagina.
-I'm just saying, if you did...
63
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,570
...it wouldn't be okay for Kevin
to tease you about your vagina.
64
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,046
Why are you making it sound
like I have a vagina?
65
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,913
I know you don't have a vagina.
I'm not doing that.
66
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,749
- Kevin, apologize to your brother, please.
-Fine. I'm sorry.
67
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,016
Now go to your room.
68
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,625
Ah. I was in my fucking room.
69
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,956
- Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here.
-Ah.
70
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,690
Now listen.
71
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,067
There are a lot of boys who are born
with vaginas.
72
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,465
It's very hard for them.
73
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:09,630
- Honey. Why?
-it's a teachable moment, hon.
74
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:12,640
Gender fluidity, right?
It's a very serious issue.
75
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,302
- I'm not gender-fluid.
-it doesn't matter if you are.
76
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,812
The point is
your mom and I would love you...
77
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,144
...even if you were completely blank
down there.
78
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,253
Okay, this is not the point.
79
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,820
Kevin, just go to your room.
80
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,382
Hey, James, don't get your
gender fluid on me.
81
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,289
- Awesome.
- Stop. It's not a fluid.
82
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,088
And what about my guitar?
83
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,731
It's ruined.
84
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,565
Let me have a look.
85
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,600
There you go. That'll do for now.
86
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:48,507
Now get washed up. The Petersons
are coming over for dinner.
87
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:50,639
Okay, baby.
88
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:55,648
Oh, gosh. I'll get you a new guitar, okay?
89
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,983
- Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit.
-Just grind it. Yeah.
90
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,755
Sheila.
91
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,622
- So do you have to work tomorrow?
- So, um, Sheila.
92
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,594
- I want to go to the movies with my friends.
-Sheila.
93
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:10,325
- What?
-Do you like school this year?
94
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,525
It's okay.
95
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,035
"So do you like school this year?"
96
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,936
That's seriously
what you sound like. Just shut up.
97
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,511
God, I'm telling you, Russ,
you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits.
98
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,704
- What?
-Oh, yeah.
99
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,373
Gary and I spent the last two months
building this.
100
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,716
We took her out this morning
for the first time.
101
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,856
Hob; mob}.
102
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,724
- Fun?
-No, no, it was terrible. Oh, yeah, it was fun.
103
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,628
Hot damn, it's a go-kart.
104
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,995
G-man, get over here.
105
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,156
- G-man, G-man, G-man.
-Uh-oh.
106
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,394
Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him.
107
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,395
Get in there. What?
108
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,307
What? What?
Get in there. Get in there.
109
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,145
Oh, man. I love you so much.
110
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:58,206
Tell Mr. Griswold how dope our go-kart is.
111
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:02,376
It's got a Zanardi chassis and
a four-stroke Briggs and Stratton engine.
112
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,716
- Wow, and you guys built this together?
-We worked on it every day...
113
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,258
...after homework and toothbrushing.
I love-- Get over here, man.
114
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,490
Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray.
115
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:15,530
He's working me over.
116
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,492
I'm gonna eat your face!
117
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,034
Kevin, James, get over here.
118
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,227
No.
119
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,769
Come on, heh.
Oh, there you are.
120
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,709
- Dad, stop. What are you doing?
-Come on, man, we're sparring.
121
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,610
- We do this all the time.
-No. We never do this.
122
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:35,218
- Hey, don't hit your old man.
- I don't wanna be a part of this.
123
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,613
What are you doing?!
124
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,725
- This is how accidents happen.
Sacrifice!
125
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,760
Dad, let go of me. Stop.
Why did you do that?
126
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,899
I'm sorry, man. Come on.
I was just fooling around.
127
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,762
- That wasn't fun.
-Like we always do.
128
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,301
We never do that.
129
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,303
Hey, what do you say
you and I build a go-kart together?
130
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,201
If we have to.
131
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,900
Yeah, all right, G-man, heh!
132
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,273
Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man.
133
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,447
Did you just steal my son's nickname?
134
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,456
I'm not sure about-- Oh, shoot. Dang it.
135
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:18,084
Wow, your ring is getting loose,
there, Deb. Are you losing weight?
136
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,322
Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing?
137
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,557
Spinning.
138
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:24,099
Yeah, it's a great stress reliever.
139
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,931
I'm gonna tell you what's
an even greater stress reliever.
140
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,902
And that is a week in Paris.
141
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,474
Oh, my gosh! I saw that on lnstagram.
142
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,133
All your pictures were so great.
143
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,573
- So you did see them.
-Yeah.
144
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:38,011
Funny, because I was gonna ask
how come you didn't like any of them.
145
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,844
What do you mean? I just said I did.
146
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,987
All my other friends, uh, who saw my
Paris pics, they clicked "like."
147
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,953
You were the only one who
didn't click "like."
148
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,924
Oh. I guess I just didn'! get around
to actually clicking "like" on them.
149
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,791
Okay, because look at this one.
Now, in this one we have...
150
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,159
...Sheila and Gary wearing berets.
-I know.
151
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,029
- Right?
-Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute.
152
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,262
- But you didn't "like" it.
-Okay.
153
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,599
Here are the four of us
at the Arc de Triomphe.
154
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,539
Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children.
Didn't "like" my man kissing on me.
155
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:10,340
I promise you the second you guys leave
I am gonna go upstairs online...
156
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,211
...and I am gonna click "like"
on every single one of them.
157
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:17,617
Honestly, honey, it really makes
no difference to me.
158
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,692
So are you guys going anywhere
special this summer'?
159
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,850
No. I wish. Yeah. No.
160
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,830
We are renting the same cabin that we've been
renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan.
161
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:31,400
The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan.
162
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,968
- Isn't that funny?
- Why don't you just go someplace else?
163
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:39,508
No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd
break his heart if I told him we hate the cabin.
164
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,203
- Oh, boy. I understand.
-Yeah.
165
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,840
I understand.
Well, you know what the good news is?
166
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,143
Hmm?
167
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:51,220
Honestly, even if you go there and you
don't have a great time, baby...
168
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,756
...at least you know
that I will click "like" on all your photos.
169
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,518
Jesus Christ, Nancy.
170
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:57,884
Look!
171
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,524
Lug“!
172
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,366
What the fuck is this?!
173
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:03,890
Louie!
174
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,042
What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam.
175
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:20,844
How much capellini are you throwing away?!
176
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:25,217
What are you doing, Melinda?!
What are you doing?!
177
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,115
Guys, I have exciting news.
178
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,417
James has AIDS?
179
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,563
What? No. That's horrible.
180
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,891
- I'd be excited.
-Well, what is it? What is it?
181
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,796
- The four of us are gonna take a little trip.
- Paris.
182
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,959
Hmm. No, much better.
183
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,266
We're driving to Walley World.
184
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,500
- What?
- This family's in a rut.
185
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,509
We gotta shake things up, right'?
Spend a little quality time.
186
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,808
It wouldn't hurt for the boys
to learn to get along a little better.
187
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,349
- Uh, by locking them in a car together?
-Yeah.
188
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,987
- This is some bullshit right here!
-Hey, language.
189
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,147
Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first
week of wrestling practice.
190
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,418
We'll find a wrestling range
along the way, heh.
191
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:36,958
That's not even a thing.
192
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,290
And, Dad, no offense,
I just don't wanna do my first big road trip...
193
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,364
...to some corporate theme park,
you know?
194
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:48,200
I'd like to explore the real America,
like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters.
195
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,534
- Don't say weird shit!
-Ah. Ow!
196
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,335
Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on.
197
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,707
My trip to Walla}; World when I was a kid
was the best time I ever had.
198
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:59,941
So you just wanna redo your vacation
from 3O years ago?
199
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,382
Don't you think that's gonna be
kind of a letdown?
200
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,989
No, no, no. We're not redoing anything.
This will be completely different.
201
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:10,457
For one thing, the original vacation
had a boy and a girl. This one has two boys.
202
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:14,359
And I'm sure that there will be lots
of other differences.
203
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,524
- I've never even heard of the original vacation.
-Doesn't matter.
204
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,694
The new vacation
will stand on its own, okay?
205
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,062
Come on, honey.
206
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,401
What do you say?
We can drive out and fly back.
207
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,238
Oh, what the heck, heh.
208
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,903
Couldn't be as bad as
that stupid cabin, right, honey?
209
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,514
- That's the spirit.
-All right.
210
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,309
Ugh. Fuck me.
211
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,817
Are we gonna drive all that way
in your little car?
212
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,987
Not exactly.
213
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:53,365
Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't
follow me just then?
214
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:57,201
- Oh, you wanted us to?
-Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that.
215
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,001
- Oh, well...
-Why else would l...?
216
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,008
You could've just said, "Come with me."
217
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,109
Look what your dad rented.
218
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,277
What the hell is that?
219
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:07,509
Kevin.
220
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,387
- That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
-Did you say "Tartan," honey'!
221
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,421
Yeah. Tanan's the Honda of Albania.
222
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,354
Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
223
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,688
Renting a family car
on Memorial Day weekend...
224
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:21,764
...doesn't leave you with a lot of options.
But this baby is pretty sweet.
225
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,459
It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
Check it out. Plug-in hybrid.
226
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,536
Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good.
227
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:32,642
So any time we run out ofjuice,
we can just pull right over, and plug in.
228
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,710
I don't know what that is.
229
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,904
Never seen an outlet for that, heh.
230
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,377
Should it retract, or...?
231
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:41,212
You would think
it would retract. It just...
232
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,785
No, it doesn't.
233
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,285
Cu pholder?
234
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:48,290
I think you coil it. You just coil it like that.
Right? Then you close it right up.
235
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,394
Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks.
236
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,894
- Why two?
- Carry twice as much gas.
237
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,590
- Why not just have one big tank?
-it's twice the gas, buddy.
238
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,599
Actually the same volume. Two small--
239
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,428
It has six ashtrays.
240
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:02,800
Six, wow.
241
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,805
Hope you guys like smoking.
242
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,440
- Right?
- Yeah.
243
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,477
What's with all the mirrors?
244
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,272
Safer.
245
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,147
But...
246
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,982
Oh. And this is amazing. I can control
the entire car from the fob.
247
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,148
- What do all the buttons mean?
- No clue. But we'll figure it out.
248
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,590
Honey, is that a swastika on there?
249
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:25,786
Yeah. We won't use that.
250
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,592
This is my favorite part.
251
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,197
- Slam the door on my arm.
-Heh. What?
252
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:35,862
It has a sensor. It won't let you
slam the door on your arm or leg.
253
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,838
- I'm not doing that.
-The rental guy showed me. Just do it.
254
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,375
- Okay.
-Do it!
255
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,178
- Do it.
-This is kind of fun.
256
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,371
Slam it.
257
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,709
All right. There you go.
258
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,480
- Oh! Oh!
'Oh, my God!
259
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,142
- Oh, my gosh!
-Goddamn it!
260
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:52,152
Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?!
261
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,461
Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated.
262
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,327
- Okay.
-I'm an idiot.
263
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,556
- Do it again.
-No, absolutely not.
264
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,065
- It'll be fine. I just activated it.
-I won't do it.
265
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,793
- Don't be chicken.
-Fine.
266
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,739
- Shit!
-Heh.
267
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,240
- Why did you do that?
-Really?
268
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,672
You're right. I'm sorry, heh.
269
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:17,508
- Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door.
-Can I slam it on James' balls?
270
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,207
- You admit I have balls'?
-They hang out of your vagina.
271
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,478
- Stop that. Please.
-Plenty of time for that.
272
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,418
- Go get packed. We're hitting the road today.
-Okay.
273
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,081
Guess we're leaving today.
All right. Let's go, guys.
274
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,529
Huh.
275
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:43,663
Hey, honey. What's all that?
276
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,002
Well, uh, this is my dream journal...
277
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:47,508
...whimsy log...
278
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,873
...wish diary...
279
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,070
"m? Duems.
280
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:55,208
And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a
stream-of-consciousness travel log, so...
281
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,013
Yeah.
282
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,418
Come on, honey. Every boy that age
has a stack of diaries.
283
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,254
Okay, gang-
284
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,785
Seat belts on.
285
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,859
Two full tanks of gas.
286
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,363
Honey, GPS check?
287
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:10,796
Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay.
288
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,870
Your destination is 2560 miles ahead.
289
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,565
World, here we some.
290
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,330
Well, we're almost out of gas.
291
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:54,340
What? How is that possible?
We've been driving for less than an hour.
292
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,316
Dad, what's so special about Walla? World?
293
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,155
I mean, we have plenty of
theme parks at home.
294
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:16,289
Well, Walley World is home of
the one and only Velociraptor.
295
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,196
What the hell is that?
296
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:21,338
It's only the newest, scariest
roller coaster in the country.
297
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,638
Four hundred and fifty feet tall,
110 miles an hour...
298
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,971
...\riple corkscrew loop.
299
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,036
Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this.
300
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,842
Looks like we got ourselves
a little old convoy.
301
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,348
Let's say hi.
302
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:39,384
- Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it?
-Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers.
303
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,388
- This way we can talk to truckers.
-Okay.
304
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:44,050
Now, guys, you just have
to speak their lingo.
305
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:47,026
I'm gonna ask him if there's any
police up ahead.
306
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,129
Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky.
307
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,825
You got any Smokey the Bears
in your kitchen? Over.
308
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,335
You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.
309
00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:57,064
- Ha-ha. He replied!
-I know!
310
00:19:57,229 --> 00:20:00,836
- What did that even mean?
-I have no idea, but who cares?
311
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,708
- He seems nice.
-He does seem nice, doesn't he?
312
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,712
Copy that, good buddy. Over.
313
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,078
- Can ltry, Dad?
-Yeah, course.
314
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,049
When you finish talking, say "over."
315
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,847
- Okay. Cool.
-Okay.
316
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:16,085
Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says
all truck drivers are rapists.
317
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,023
- Are you a rapist?
-Kevin, no, no.
318
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,356
Sorry. Over.
319
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,520
- No, no, no.
-What are you doing?
320
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,258
- What? it's a question.
-Well, you're ruining it.
321
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,598
Sorry about that there, good buddy.
322
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,697
You know how little boys are
when their mouths get going, heh. I don't--
323
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,844
Not to imply that you are...
324
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,515
...fond of when little boys' mouths
get going in any way.
325
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,913
I am not suggesting that
you are a sex offender.
326
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,576
- Or a pedophile.
-Okay, no.
327
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,280
Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys.
328
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,118
Neat, huh?
329
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,750
- Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile?
-Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy...
330
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,228
...l0ve each other very much--
-No. No.
331
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,692
- I have to piss.
-Me too.
332
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,896
Go with him, please,
and keep an eye on him.
333
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,369
- Okay.
-Thank you.
334
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,905
- Look at that. The boys are bonding already.
-Mm-hm.
335
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,445
Isn't this the best?
336
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,082
Yeah.
337
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,644
Do you remember, back when you were
just getting your pilot's license...
338
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,448
...and you and I would sit there...
339
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:24,118
...and we'd talk about all those, like,
overseas trips we would take and stuff?
340
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:28,393
Yeah, of course that's when I thought
I was gonna fly for one of the big guys.
341
00:21:28,554 --> 00:21:31,467
I know ifs not the most glamorous
airline, but Econo Air...
342
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,103
...it's been pretty good to us.
343
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,938
As far as I'm concerned, right here
with you and the boys, this is paradise.
344
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:43,671
- There was a hole in the side of my stall.
-You found a glory hole.
345
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,783
- Russ, no.
-All right, let's hit the road.
346
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,484
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
347
00:22:43,162 --> 00:22:45,164
- What's wrong with you?!
-I wanted to see...
348
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:48,175
...how long you could
hold your breath before you black out.
349
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,746
Don't do that. I could have died.
350
00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:52,314
Whatever.
351
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:59,011
Goddamn it. Kevin!
352
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:14,238
Hey, honey, Why'd we get off the highway?
353
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,602
Thought it would be fun for the kids
to see where you went to college.
354
00:23:17,763 --> 00:23:20,710
Oh, God. Why would that be fun
for them, honey?
355
00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:23,847
You could give us a tour.
One of them could study there one day.
356
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,005
Oh, no. No way, man.
357
00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:29,015
I've got my sights set on something
a little more Ivy League.
358
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:31,552
Oh. Little fucker.
359
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:34,247
- What, Ma?
-I love you. That's what I said.
360
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,086
- I love you too.
-I said, I love you.
361
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,784
Let's just see how far it is.
362
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:43,064
- You are 9.2 miles from destination.
- All right. Check the best route.
363
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:47,699
Oh, I changed the language.
364
00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:51,203
That's not it, heh.
365
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,270
What is that?
366
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:59,147
- Uh, I don't know. Korean?
-Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off.
367
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:02,047
The menu's all in Korean now.
I don't know what to press.
368
00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:04,278
Why is it so much angrier
than the other voices?
369
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:05,478
Why don't we just-I?
370
00:24:05,644 --> 00:24:08,147
Honey, it doesn't like
when you touch it, okay?
371
00:24:08,314 --> 00:24:10,885
Just leave it alone. Let it calm down.
372
00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:25,841
Wow, this place has not changed a bit.
373
00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:28,400
- Isn't that sorority row?
-Hmm.
374
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,137
Let's go check out your house.
375
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:33,442
Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we
should get back on the road?
376
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,676
No, come on. It'll be fun.
377
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:38,082
It's just a boring old house.
378
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:58,998
Yeah, that's what's up.
379
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:02,008
I cannot believe that they are still doing this.
380
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,212
What is it?
381
00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:08,211
Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run.
382
00:25:08,374 --> 00:25:10,547
You have to chug a big pitcher of beer...
383
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:13,781
...and then you have to get through
the course as fast as you can.
384
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:16,324
And you did this? Because you hardly drink.
385
00:25:16,482 --> 00:25:18,894
No, yeah. But, honey, it's for charity, see?
386
00:25:21,787 --> 00:25:24,324
Hi. Would you like to donate
to ass burgers?
387
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,298
Oh, no. We're just stopping by.
388
00:25:26,458 --> 00:25:28,631
I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so...
389
00:25:29,128 --> 00:25:31,335
In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.
390
00:25:31,497 --> 00:25:33,636
-It was?
-Yeah.
391
00:25:33,999 --> 00:25:37,037
- Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
-Yeah.
392
00:25:37,569 --> 00:25:38,707
Oh, my shit.
393
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:41,010
Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you!
394
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:43,414
Guys, come here! Bring over the book!
395
00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:46,522
- It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
-How do you know who I am?
396
00:25:46,678 --> 00:25:49,659
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
You're like a legend at Tri-Pi.
397
00:25:49,815 --> 00:25:52,557
- You're Debbie Do-Anything!
-Debbie Do-Anything?
398
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,755
- Go play.
- Yeah, look.
399
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,867
- See?
-Oh, God.
400
00:25:58,023 --> 00:26:01,061
- Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked?
-Of course not.
401
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:03,399
Did you really show your tits
to anyone who asked?
402
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,667
- Honey, we should go.
-Hang on.
403
00:26:05,831 --> 00:26:09,745
- I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick.
-Did you really burn down Taco Bell?
404
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:11,540
I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins.
405
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:13,944
I heard that, if people bop you
on your head...
406
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,052
...gold coins come out of your butt.
407
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,051
- Okay, ladies, heh.
-What?
408
00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:22,790
I think I know my wife pretty well, and she
wouldn't have done any of those things.
409
00:26:22,948 --> 00:26:27,090
But you know what? What's important
is not whether I did them or I didn't do them.
410
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:30,859
What's important is that you guys are
idolizing very bad behavior here.
411
00:26:31,023 --> 00:26:33,731
Uh, ew, you don't sound
like Debbie Do-Anything.
412
00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:35,428
I had a feeling she was all hype.
413
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,699
Bet she didn't even come up
with the Chug Run.
414
00:26:37,863 --> 00:26:39,433
Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me.
415
00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:42,772
I did come up with the Chug Run, all right?
416
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,039
And I ran it.
417
00:26:44,203 --> 00:26:45,477
- Sure you did.
- No, I did.
418
00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:47,412
- In 16 seconds, okay?
-Okay, hon.
419
00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:50,476
- Prove it.
-She can't do it now. She's old.
420
00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:51,746
Excuse me, girl?
421
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:54,550
I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean...you're old.
422
00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:00,156
Oh, yeah.
423
00:27:00,319 --> 00:27:02,890
Never heard that laugh before. I don't like it.
424
00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:04,125
Hold my bag. Uh-uh.
425
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:07,566
Why? You're not actually
going on this thing.
426
00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:11,230
Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised
thousands of dollars for charity, all right?
427
00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:15,173
I might not have gotten good grades
while I was here, but at least I did something.
428
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:18,781
It sounds like you did a lot.
You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.
429
00:27:18,937 --> 00:27:23,113
It's not important what I stuck my finger in
and what I burnt down. What is important...
430
00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:26,256
...is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
-"Bitches"?
431
00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:27,617
Bring it on.
432
00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:31,527
No one's calling me old. Fuck you.
433
00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:34,755
All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.
434
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,866
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!
435
00:27:57,976 --> 00:27:59,649
Oh, Jesus Christ.
436
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,330
Three! Two! One!
437
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:19,174
Oh, honey.
438
00:28:32,744 --> 00:28:34,018
What's Mom doing?
439
00:28:34,179 --> 00:28:36,887
She's, uh, teaching
these bitches a lesson.
440
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,237
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
441
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,737
Go! Go! Go!
442
00:29:00,539 --> 00:29:03,042
Why is she puking so much?
443
00:29:03,508 --> 00:29:05,181
It's for ass burgers.
444
00:29:19,391 --> 00:29:21,701
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers.
445
00:29:34,406 --> 00:29:36,909
Mom, you should try and stay hydrated.
446
00:29:38,410 --> 00:29:40,947
What? What are you doing?
447
00:29:43,148 --> 00:29:44,718
How about some tunes?
448
00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,796
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
449
00:29:49,955 --> 00:29:51,730
I love this song.
450
00:29:51,890 --> 00:29:54,632
Guys, it's Seal.
451
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:57,103
Heh. Everybody sing it with me.
452
00:29:57,396 --> 00:30:02,573
There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
453
00:30:02,734 --> 00:30:03,769
Come on, guys.
454
00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:09,613
You became
The light on the dark side of me
455
00:30:09,775 --> 00:30:11,015
Deb?
456
00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:15,647
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not--
457
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:16,849
Guys? No?
458
00:30:17,015 --> 00:30:19,154
Did you know that when it snows
459
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:20,490
Kevin? James?
460
00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:21,824
My eyes become large
461
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:23,364
Is this a man or a woman singing?
462
00:30:23,522 --> 00:30:26,162
Ifs a man. And the coolest man ever.
463
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:27,804
He overcame lupus.
464
00:30:27,959 --> 00:30:34,308
Baby
Icompare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
465
00:30:34,466 --> 00:30:37,208
I can't believe
no one in this family wants to sing.
466
00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:39,508
--stranger it feels, yeah.
467
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:40,945
Batman Forever?
468
00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:43,518
--that your rose is in bloom
469
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:44,813
Val Kilmer.
470
00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:48,446
A light hits the gloom on the gray
471
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:54,459
He's come back to kill us.
472
00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:58,498
- Gun it, Russ!
-Gunning it.
473
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,633
You gotta go faster, Dad!
Go faster!
474
00:31:03,795 --> 00:31:06,241
- The Prancer doesn't go any faster!
- What do we do?!
475
00:31:06,398 --> 00:31:08,207
Maybe if I press this rabbit button...
476
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:10,813
- ...it'll give it a boost or something.
- Yes, try it.
477
00:31:14,005 --> 00:31:16,645
- Why is there a button for that?
-And why is it a rabbit?
478
00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:17,878
Okay»-
479
00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:19,920
- Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that.
- Yes.
480
00:31:20,579 --> 00:31:21,649
What? What's happening?
481
00:31:21,813 --> 00:31:23,383
- Why am I swiveling?
-I don't know!
482
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:25,050
- Grab the wheel!
-it won't slop!
483
00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:28,164
- Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
-Okay, I'm trying to hit--
484
00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:33,232
We're gonna die!
485
00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:39,733
- Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel.
-Okay, okay.
486
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:41,876
Okay, what are we gonna do?
487
00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,910
- I have an idea.
-What'?
488
00:31:44,269 --> 00:31:45,771
- Handbrake turn.
-What?
489
00:31:45,937 --> 00:31:49,908
Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake,
do a 180, cross the median, drive past him.
490
00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:52,681
- You know how, Dad?
-If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.
491
00:31:52,844 --> 00:31:55,017
- Why are you as good as Vin Diesel?
- Hang on.
492
00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,932
That's not what I was trying to do.
493
00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:11,472
- Everybody okay?
-Oh, shit!
494
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:23,616
- Go, Dad! Go, go!
-Oh, my God.
495
00:32:45,564 --> 00:32:47,066
- Oh, shit!
-Goddamn it.
496
00:32:55,941 --> 00:32:58,478
All right, boys. This is you.
497
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:01,146
- I call both beds.
- You get one bed.
498
00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:03,520
If you need anything, Mom and I
are next door.
499
00:33:03,682 --> 00:33:06,754
Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad.
Is it okay if I take a soak?
500
00:33:07,619 --> 00:33:09,189
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
501
00:33:09,354 --> 00:33:11,527
But if anyone tries to
shove you in their car...
502
00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,795
...give them a good scratch
like I showed you.
503
00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:14,994
- I will.
-All right.
504
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,332
- Attaboy.
-Thanks.
505
00:33:18,029 --> 00:33:19,531
So...
506
00:33:19,698 --> 00:33:24,306
...how come you never told me about
the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing?
507
00:33:24,469 --> 00:33:26,506
Heh. Come on, that was so long ago.
508
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,151
Yeah, but it's part of who you are...
509
00:33:29,307 --> 00:33:30,980
...and I wanna know all about you.
510
00:33:31,142 --> 00:33:34,351
All right. Well, that's fair.
What do you wanna know?
511
00:33:34,513 --> 00:33:36,515
How many guys did you sleep with
before me?
512
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,217
No, no, no.
513
00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:40,124
- No, no, no.
-Oh, come on.
514
00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:42,196
Come on. That's not important.
515
00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:44,891
- No, I know. But I'm just--
-You really need to know'?
516
00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:46,729
- It just...
-Oh, okay.
517
00:33:46,892 --> 00:33:48,701
- I'm just curious.
-Okay, okay.
518
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,504
Um, let's see.
519
00:33:56,635 --> 00:33:57,670
And then...
520
00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,141
Kind of taking you a little while, heh.
521
00:34:00,305 --> 00:34:02,683
Okay, uh, so around...
522
00:34:03,141 --> 00:34:04,381
- Three.
523
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:09,219
Three. That's actually reassuring,
because, heh, ifs the same as me.
524
00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:11,725
No, didn't say three.
525
00:34:12,751 --> 00:34:14,492
Thirteen? Thirteen?
526
00:34:14,653 --> 00:34:16,826
- Nope.
-And it's not three?
527
00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,194
Ifs around 30.
528
00:34:18,356 --> 00:34:19,733
Thirty! Phew.
529
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:21,569
Wow, holy cow.
530
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:24,502
See, now I feel like you're judging me.
531
00:34:24,663 --> 00:34:25,903
I'm judging me-.
532
00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:30,404
- Your number is so much higherthan mine.
-Yes, it is a big number...
533
00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:33,175
...bul it doesn't matter.
Honey, it doesn't matter.
534
00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:36,080
You're so cool. I feel like a loser.
535
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:38,721
You are not a loser, okay?
536
00:34:38,877 --> 00:34:42,882
Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work pretty hard
just to get those three.
537
00:34:44,049 --> 00:34:47,587
Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather
for months before she slept with me.
538
00:34:47,752 --> 00:34:50,426
- And he was racist.
-Please, don't base it on me.
539
00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,193
I was, like, crazy back then.
540
00:34:52,357 --> 00:34:55,736
I was completely immature and acting out...
541
00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:58,636
...and just really, like, free with my body...
542
00:34:58,797 --> 00:35:00,970
...and that's just not who I am anymore.
543
00:35:01,132 --> 00:35:02,543
That's not who we are.
544
00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:05,375
Well, we're pretty free with our bodies.
545
00:35:05,537 --> 00:35:06,948
But you have to admit...
546
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:09,142
...I feel like we've gotten...
547
00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:14,279
...like, less free with our bodies.
548
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:16,653
But we have sex every week
with our bodies.
549
00:35:16,815 --> 00:35:18,317
We do. But...
550
00:35:18,483 --> 00:35:21,657
I mean, ifs gotten a little routine, babe.
551
00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:26,064
You know, you always are lighting
that same Yankee Candle and everything.
552
00:35:26,224 --> 00:35:31,230
And I don't know, it might be nice to
mix it up a little bit every once in a while.
553
00:35:31,396 --> 00:35:32,500
Okay? No big deal.
554
00:35:32,664 --> 00:35:34,644
I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?
555
00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:36,676
I'm gonna take one with you.
556
00:35:37,769 --> 00:35:40,682
- Hmm?
-Uh... We'll have sex in it.
557
00:35:40,839 --> 00:35:42,443
Yeah. In the shower.
558
00:35:43,441 --> 00:35:46,786
How's that for getting free
with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything?
559
00:35:46,945 --> 00:35:48,515
- I like that.
-Yeah.
560
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,250
Oh, Russ.
561
00:35:52,517 --> 00:35:54,497
Just be careful not to drop the soap.
562
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:55,961
Oh, I won't.
563
00:35:58,356 --> 00:35:59,528
What?
564
00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:03,464
- This is fun and different.
-I know. It is.
565
00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:06,538
You are so cute when you get
excited about stuff.
566
00:36:07,966 --> 00:36:10,173
You're, like, so cute always.
567
00:36:10,335 --> 00:36:12,645
Aw, honey.
568
00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:17,619
Oh, my-- Holy shit! Are those mushrooms?!
569
00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:18,880
Looks like somebody...
570
00:36:19,044 --> 00:36:20,955
...blew their head off in there.
-Oh, God.
571
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,450
So should we, uh...?
572
00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:25,322
Should we get in or...?
573
00:36:26,451 --> 00:36:28,226
No, right, heh?
574
00:36:28,386 --> 00:36:31,993
Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's
something to clean that with.
575
00:36:32,157 --> 00:36:34,228
Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a...
576
00:36:34,392 --> 00:36:37,236
Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad.
577
00:36:37,395 --> 00:36:38,806
I'll just--
578
00:36:38,963 --> 00:36:40,465
- Russ.
- Yeah.
579
00:36:40,632 --> 00:36:41,872
That's not a Brillo Pad.
580
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:43,341
It's a ball of pubic hair.
581
00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:47,643
- Oh, my gosh.
-There's so much of it.
582
00:36:47,806 --> 00:36:51,049
Who has that much pubic hair?
It's not even possible.
583
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:53,553
No, not one person.
That's all different colors.
584
00:36:55,513 --> 00:36:57,584
That's from like 30 different guys.
585
00:36:57,749 --> 00:36:59,422
Oh, shut up, Russ.
586
00:36:59,651 --> 00:37:01,062
No. I'm sorry.
587
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:04,063
Through the curtains hanging in the window
588
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:08,227
In the evening on a Friday night
589
00:37:10,095 --> 00:37:12,939
Little light shining through the window
590
00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:18,207
Lets me know everythingls gonna be all right
591
00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:23,875
Summer breeze makes me fee! fine
592
00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:27,513
Blowing through the jasmine in my mi--
593
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:28,714
You're pretty good.
594
00:37:30,181 --> 00:37:33,685
Jeez, sorry.
595
00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:36,196
I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you.
596
00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,629
- Hi.
- Hi.
597
00:37:39,791 --> 00:37:43,136
- You were in the Jeep.
-And you were in that plastic bag.
598
00:37:43,962 --> 00:37:45,942
That was my stupid brother.
599
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:47,940
Gotcha. Big brothers suck.
600
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:49,134
Oh, no.
601
00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:51,644
Yeah, big, heh.
602
00:37:51,803 --> 00:37:52,975
I'm Adena.
603
00:37:53,571 --> 00:37:54,879
James.
604
00:37:55,039 --> 00:37:56,985
- I have a penis.
-What?
605
00:37:57,142 --> 00:37:58,712
It's on your guitar.
606
00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:02,216
- Same brother.
-What an asshole.
607
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:03,950
Yeah.
608
00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:05,788
You wanna go in?
609
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:07,327
Absolutely.
610
00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:10,265
Well, what have we here?
611
00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:12,594
Little Romeo and Juliet situation?
612
00:38:14,459 --> 00:38:16,939
My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both.
613
00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:21,474
I'm just a stranger, passing through town.
614
00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:25,240
But I couldn't help noticing how
incredibly handsome this young man is.
615
00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:27,246
What's your story? You got a girlfriend?
616
00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:28,679
No.
617
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,581
What? No girlfriend?
618
00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:34,017
Cute boy like that?
Somebody's gonna snatch you up.
619
00:38:34,179 --> 00:38:35,920
- Do you want me to call the cops?
-No.
620
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,616
And he plays guitar?
621
00:38:37,782 --> 00:38:39,159
Dream boy.
622
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,089
- Make a muscle.
-I'd...
623
00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:42,356
- Do it.
- ...rather not.
624
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,193
Take your shirt off. Make a muscle.
625
00:38:44,355 --> 00:38:46,164
- I really don't want to.
-Don't be shy.
626
00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:48,133
- Show us what you're working with.
-All right.
627
00:38:48,293 --> 00:38:50,967
Um, I should go.
628
00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:54,635
Are you sure that you'll be okay?
629
00:38:54,799 --> 00:38:56,039
I think so.
630
00:38:56,201 --> 00:38:57,612
0K8)'-
631
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:01,643
Bye.
632
00:39:02,273 --> 00:39:03,308
Dang it.
633
00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:06,655
- Dad, why would you do that?
-Saw you talking to her.
634
00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:09,883
- Figured you could use a wingman.
-I didn't need a wingman.
635
00:39:10,048 --> 00:39:13,791
- Well, heh, looks like you did. She left.
-That's because you were approaching--
636
00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:15,989
You know, James, when I was your age...
637
00:39:16,154 --> 00:39:20,660
...Grandpa Clark sat me down
and we had a little chat.
638
00:39:20,825 --> 00:39:25,035
Seeing you with that girl made me
realize that we haven't had that chat yet.
639
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:26,698
- We don't need that chat.
-Yeah?
640
00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:30,244
Come on, I know it's embarrassing,
but it'd be a lot more embarrassing...
641
00:39:30,401 --> 00:39:33,245
...if you found yourself tummy to tummy
with a lady friend...
642
00:39:33,404 --> 00:39:36,248
...and didn't know what goes where.
-I know what goes where.
643
00:39:36,407 --> 00:39:37,511
- You do?
-Uh-huh.
644
00:39:37,675 --> 00:39:38,983
- You sure?
-Yep.
645
00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:41,987
All right, all right.
Well, I just want you to know...
646
00:39:42,146 --> 00:39:46,185
...I'm here to answer any questions
you might have about that stuff.
647
00:39:46,351 --> 00:39:48,854
No matter how uncomfortable it seems.
648
00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:52,391
Yeah, okay.
649
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:55,595
- Yeah, right. Here it comes.
-Yeah. All right. Okay.
650
00:39:56,060 --> 00:40:00,702
Uh, there were some kids at school
who were talking about...
651
00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:01,900
...rim jobs.
652
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:05,343
- Hmm.
- So, whats that? What's a rim job?
653
00:40:05,603 --> 00:40:07,446
- Rim jobs.
-Yeah.
654
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:10,182
- Is that R-I-M?
-Mm-hm.
655
00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:13,620
Rim job. Country of origin.
656
00:40:13,845 --> 00:40:16,223
I don't know. Urn, America.
657
00:40:16,381 --> 00:40:18,019
Can I hear it in a sentence?
658
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:21,254
- What's a rim job, Dad?
-Oh.
659
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,060
Well, rim job.
660
00:40:25,390 --> 00:40:28,928
I would guess a rim job is when you
kiss someone with your mouth closed.
661
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:31,733
Right? So you're only using
the rim of your mouth.
662
00:40:32,463 --> 00:40:33,908
- That's it?
-Sure.
663
00:40:34,065 --> 00:40:37,137
It felt like it was something way dirtier.
664
00:40:37,302 --> 00:40:39,282
No, I mean, what else could it be?
665
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:41,310
Any other questions?
666
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:43,076
I guess not.
667
00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:44,651
Good talk, James.
668
00:40:46,077 --> 00:40:50,150
Now, I hope you're not too old
to let your dad give you...
669
00:40:50,315 --> 00:40:51,794
...a good-night rim job.
670
00:42:06,624 --> 00:42:09,230
Looks like we might get to
Aunt Audrey's before dinner.
671
00:42:09,394 --> 00:42:10,998
Will Uncle Stone be there?
672
00:42:11,162 --> 00:42:13,233
Yeah, I suppose he will.
673
00:42:13,398 --> 00:42:16,572
- Uncle Stone is cool.
-You have to be cool to be a celebrity.
674
00:42:17,135 --> 00:42:19,012
Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity.
675
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:21,207
I mean, he's a local weatherman. That's all.
676
00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:24,216
Uh, actually, Audrey said that
the networks are interested in him.
677
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:25,410
- Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
678
00:42:25,576 --> 00:42:26,987
All right. Well, good for him.
679
00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:30,490
- Think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
-I don't see why not.
680
00:42:30,648 --> 00:42:33,026
- Do you think I can shoot his guns?
-No, you cannot.
681
00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:37,256
Too bad. I would've shot you
right off that fucking horse.
682
00:42:39,524 --> 00:42:42,596
I never would've imagined my sister
marrying such a conservative.
683
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,264
Yeah, but just because Stone's
political beliefs are different than ours...
684
00:42:46,431 --> 00:42:48,741
...doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I--
685
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:50,675
A good person.
686
00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:54,349
- You said it.
-Uh, honey--
687
00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:55,540
Hey, look at that!
688
00:42:55,706 --> 00:42:58,516
Hot springs up ahead.
We've always wanted to do that.
689
00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:00,747
Oh, honey,
we don't wanna be late to Audrey's.
690
00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:03,085
So we're a few minutes late.
691
00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:07,059
We're on vacation. Right? Come on.
Let's have some fun.
692
00:43:07,752 --> 00:43:08,787
0K8)'-
693
00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:18,807
- Oh. Look at the line.
-This will take forever.
694
00:43:18,963 --> 00:43:22,274
Come on, guys. How often do we get
to soak in hot water?
695
00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:23,935
Every time we take a bath.
696
00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:26,541
No, this is different, okay? This is natural.
697
00:43:26,704 --> 00:43:29,150
This water was heated
in Mother Nature's bowels.
698
00:43:29,307 --> 00:43:30,650
Oh. Gross.
699
00:43:31,109 --> 00:43:33,089
There's gotta be another way in.
700
00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:36,753
I'm gonna ask this gentleman.
I bet he'd know.
701
00:43:36,914 --> 00:43:38,393
Excuse me, sir.
702
00:43:38,549 --> 00:43:39,823
- Hi there.
-Hey. Hi.
703
00:43:40,051 --> 00:43:44,158
Hey, we were wondering. Is there
another entrance to the hot springs?
704
00:43:44,322 --> 00:43:46,563
Like a secret entrance the locals use?
705
00:43:46,724 --> 00:43:50,900
- Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh?
-Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.
706
00:43:51,062 --> 00:43:52,439
Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do.
707
00:43:52,597 --> 00:43:55,669
Uh, can you see that dirt road?
That path there on the left?
708
00:43:55,833 --> 00:43:58,439
- Yeah.
-If you just follow that all the way up...
709
00:43:58,603 --> 00:44:00,446
...that'll take you to the hot springs.
710
00:44:00,605 --> 00:44:02,482
All right, perfect. Thank you.
711
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,621
Oh, no, no. You bet. Y'all have a good time.
712
00:44:05,776 --> 00:44:07,756
- Oh, will do, heh.
- Heh.
713
00:44:07,945 --> 00:44:09,481
Hey, what's your pet rat's name?
714
00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:11,320
Is my pet what?
715
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:14,262
What the fuck? What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
716
00:44:15,620 --> 00:44:16,792
I don't know him.
717
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:31,173
Honey, are you sure about this?
I mean, nobody else is going this way.
718
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:35,811
Yeah, well, most people think
inside the box.
719
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,681
But you know who thinks outside the box?
720
00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:40,686
Uncle Stone?
721
00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,485
Me. Your father.
722
00:44:47,952 --> 00:44:51,229
Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs.
723
00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:54,336
Well, the guy said it was
right at the end of this road, so...
724
00:44:54,492 --> 00:44:58,702
Well, the guy also did not know he had
a rat on his shoulder, so there's that.
725
00:44:58,863 --> 00:44:59,898
Hold on.
726
00:45:08,806 --> 00:45:11,309
Wow, honey, this is beautiful.
727
00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:13,887
- Isn't it?
-Yeah.
728
00:45:15,179 --> 00:45:16,590
All right, everyone.
729
00:45:16,747 --> 00:45:19,250
In your bathing suits. Now! Heh.
730
00:45:20,685 --> 00:45:24,360
Looks like we found our
own private hot spring.
731
00:45:25,189 --> 00:45:28,602
- I say we call it "Griswold Springs."
-Heh.
732
00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:32,368
- The water's perfect.
-Oh, my God. It's so nice.
733
00:45:32,530 --> 00:45:34,271
Why does it smell like rotten eggs?
734
00:45:34,432 --> 00:45:36,912
- That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural.
-Yeah.
735
00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,173
Yeah. And ifs really good for you too.
736
00:45:39,337 --> 00:45:42,045
Actually, the minerals that are
in this mud here...
737
00:45:42,206 --> 00:45:44,117
...they draw toxins out of your body.
738
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:45,777
Can you believe that?
739
00:45:45,943 --> 00:45:47,115
Cool, right?
740
00:45:51,215 --> 00:45:52,250
Oh, wow.
741
00:45:53,117 --> 00:45:56,564
Mm. This is perfect.
742
00:45:56,954 --> 00:45:58,627
It's exactly what we needed.
743
00:45:58,789 --> 00:46:01,065
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.
744
00:46:03,728 --> 00:46:05,901
- Oh, man.
-Yeah.
745
00:46:06,063 --> 00:46:08,270
- Oh, yeah. That's it.
-That's it. That's it.
746
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:10,969
I can feel my body detoxifying.
747
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,210
You know...
748
00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:21,779
...it tastes a little shitty, but I think
that's part of it. That's okay.
749
00:46:21,946 --> 00:46:23,482
This is wonderful.
750
00:46:28,619 --> 00:46:30,656
That is the stuff.
751
00:46:31,656 --> 00:46:32,760
What is that, honey?
752
00:46:32,923 --> 00:46:34,834
On your ear. What's on your ear?
753
00:46:35,159 --> 00:46:36,263
What is that?
754
00:46:37,828 --> 00:46:38,966
It's an ear!
755
00:46:41,132 --> 00:46:43,009
Look, James. Found a dart.
756
00:46:43,234 --> 00:46:44,577
Are you crazy?
757
00:46:44,735 --> 00:46:47,306
Oh, my God!
Everybody out of Griswold Springs!
758
00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:49,451
- Get out of the poop!
- That was nasty!
759
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:51,676
All over me!
760
00:46:52,276 --> 00:46:54,085
I don't like Griswold Springs.
761
00:46:55,446 --> 00:46:56,481
Is that our car alarm?
762
00:46:58,582 --> 00:46:59,754
What?
763
00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:04,698
Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us
there are thieves in these woods?
764
00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:06,926
Oh, right.
765
00:47:08,359 --> 00:47:09,429
He took my guitar.
766
00:47:09,593 --> 00:47:11,470
Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ.
767
00:47:11,629 --> 00:47:13,370
All right, not a best-case scenario.
768
00:47:13,531 --> 00:47:14,839
But, hey.
769
00:47:14,999 --> 00:47:16,603
He left your book.
770
00:47:16,767 --> 00:47:20,146
So, I guess we get the last laugh.
771
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:21,339
Oh, really, honey?
772
00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,712
We're naked and covered in human waste.
773
00:47:23,874 --> 00:47:26,878
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
We don't know that it's human.
774
00:47:34,318 --> 00:47:37,299
This is so embarrassing.
I feel like your cousin Eddie's family.
775
00:47:37,455 --> 00:47:41,062
It's no big deal. We'll just tell
Stone and Audrey what happened.
776
00:47:41,225 --> 00:47:42,829
Kids, remember what happened?
777
00:47:42,993 --> 00:47:45,405
We pulled over to rescue a baby
from a burning car...
778
00:47:45,563 --> 00:47:48,567
...and somebody stole all of our stuff
while we were distracted.
779
00:47:48,733 --> 00:47:51,339
And why are we naked
and covered in feces?
780
00:47:51,502 --> 00:47:53,004
I don't remember.
781
00:47:53,170 --> 00:47:55,514
That's right. We don't remember.
782
00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:15,560
Oh, my God.
783
00:48:16,761 --> 00:48:18,570
Oh, come on.
784
00:48:21,532 --> 00:48:24,513
- What're we gonna do?
-Can you give me a hand with this? Please?
785
00:48:24,668 --> 00:48:27,239
Just-- Yeah.
786
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:28,907
Oh, gosh.
787
00:48:29,073 --> 00:48:31,553
- I can't. I can't get it off.
-Just use your spit.
788
00:48:31,709 --> 00:48:32,847
Oh, okay.
789
00:48:34,445 --> 00:48:35,583
Focus on the balls.
790
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,919
If you guys wanna stop, that's! be good too.
791
00:48:39,950 --> 00:48:42,191
Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft.
792
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,224
Hi, y'all!
793
00:48:44,955 --> 00:48:46,628
Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi.
794
00:48:46,791 --> 00:48:48,202
What happened?
795
00:48:48,793 --> 00:48:50,101
Well, that's a--
796
00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:52,036
it's a crazy story--
797
00:48:52,196 --> 00:48:53,903
Dad got scammed by a guy at a park.
798
00:48:54,064 --> 00:48:56,237
- Kevin.
-Same old Rusty.
799
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,902
You'd buy water from a faucet.
800
00:49:01,972 --> 00:49:04,111
Anyway, you guys look disgusting.
801
00:49:04,275 --> 00:49:06,721
I have some clothes
I was gonna give to the church...
802
00:49:06,877 --> 00:49:08,914
...if you guys wanna borrow some of those.
803
00:49:09,079 --> 00:49:10,581
- Great. Thank you, Audrey.
-Yeah.
804
00:49:10,748 --> 00:49:12,728
- Come on inside.
-All right.
805
00:49:12,883 --> 00:49:14,624
Boy, y'all stink.
806
00:49:18,255 --> 00:49:20,132
Oh, I don't like that.
807
00:49:21,091 --> 00:49:24,334
Man, this place makes our house
look like shit.
808
00:49:24,495 --> 00:49:29,843
Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes
much further out here than it does in Chicago.
809
00:49:30,468 --> 00:49:33,142
Especially when you make a
lot more of them, heh.
810
00:49:34,171 --> 00:49:35,445
Just messing with you.
811
00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:38,678
Shoot, you boys are growing faster
than a weed under a faucet.
812
00:49:38,843 --> 00:49:41,619
- You still rassling, son?
-Uh-huh.
813
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:43,485
Uh-huh. Oh, come on.
Show me what you got.
814
00:49:47,451 --> 00:49:51,331
- Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please.
-They'rejust having themselves a rassle.
815
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:54,527
- It's what brothers do.
- Hey, oh, look at you guys.
816
00:49:54,692 --> 00:49:58,162
Hot damn. Debbie Griswold.
You just keep getting prettier.
817
00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:00,502
- Oh, stop.
- No, I mean it.
818
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:03,877
You could make hot water
come out of the cold faucet.
819
00:50:05,870 --> 00:50:07,508
Oh, heh. That's very sweet.
820
00:50:07,671 --> 00:50:10,311
You know, I remember the night
you first wore that dress.
821
00:50:10,474 --> 00:50:12,715
- You remember that night?
-I remember that night.
822
00:50:12,877 --> 00:50:15,653
- I'll never forget that night.
- Neither will I, baby.
823
00:50:15,813 --> 00:50:17,156
You're my fucking husband.
824
00:50:17,314 --> 00:50:19,351
Oh, betcha, I am. I'm yourcaveman.
825
00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:22,660
I'll rip you in half.
826
00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:25,667
I wanna have all your babies.
827
00:50:25,823 --> 00:50:27,894
Oh, baby.
828
00:50:29,860 --> 00:50:32,340
I hit the fucking jackpot with you.
829
00:50:32,496 --> 00:50:34,407
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.
830
00:50:36,066 --> 00:50:38,410
Who wants to see Stone's man cave?
831
00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:41,539
Yeah.
832
00:50:41,705 --> 00:50:43,184
Is this Charlton Heston?
833
00:50:43,340 --> 00:50:45,342
Yep, Chuck was a good friend.
834
00:50:45,509 --> 00:50:48,718
I can't tell you how many nights
we spent drinking bourbon together...
835
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:50,859
...crying about the state of this country.
836
00:50:51,015 --> 00:50:53,586
It's true, they did.
They literally cried together.
837
00:50:53,751 --> 00:50:56,857
Hmm. Somehow I don't see you
crying, though, Stone.
838
00:50:57,021 --> 00:50:58,523
Yeah, that's, uh...
839
00:50:58,689 --> 00:51:00,498
That's kind of embarrassing, right?
840
00:51:01,258 --> 00:51:02,931
Not embarrassing to me.
841
00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:06,165
Even the strongest faucet
sometimes lets out a few drops, heh.
842
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:08,571
What is with these faucets?
843
00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:10,405
Everyone thought that F-4 twister...
844
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:13,014
- ...was gonna bypass Harris County.
- Not my Stone.
845
00:51:13,170 --> 00:51:17,880
I had a feeling that that low-pressure system
was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend.
846
00:51:18,542 --> 00:51:22,581
Thanks to my report, those people had
an extra 15 minutes to evacuate.
847
00:51:22,780 --> 00:51:26,193
- Ah.
-Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives.
848
00:51:26,350 --> 00:51:29,126
That's how many we lost at Pearl Harbor...
849
00:51:29,286 --> 00:51:32,460
...s0 basically he stopped Pearl Harbor.
850
00:51:32,623 --> 00:51:35,365
That's when the national news called.
Now, between us...
851
00:51:35,526 --> 00:51:36,732
...it's looking good. Ain't it, honey?
852
00:51:38,896 --> 00:51:42,537
Course none of that would've been
possible without my sugar mama here...
853
00:51:42,700 --> 00:51:45,544
...working day and night to put me
through meteorology school.
854
00:51:45,703 --> 00:51:48,809
I liked working, baby.
I didn't mind it one bit.
855
00:51:48,973 --> 00:51:51,078
Well, you never have to do it again, darling.
856
00:51:51,241 --> 00:51:52,879
But it kind of gave me purpose.
857
00:51:53,043 --> 00:51:54,818
Nope, never again. That is a promise.
858
00:51:56,547 --> 00:51:59,050
Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree
with your politics...
859
00:51:59,216 --> 00:52:02,254
- ...but that doesn't mean I don't admire you.
- Well, thank you.
860
00:52:02,419 --> 00:52:06,299
But the man you should admire the most
is sitting right next to you.
861
00:52:06,824 --> 00:52:08,497
But there's nobody there.
862
00:52:08,659 --> 00:52:11,162
Oh, I don't mean that chair.
I mean your pa right here.
863
00:52:11,328 --> 00:52:12,568
Okay, heh.
864
00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:14,767
- He doesn't save anybody's life.
- Doesn't he?
865
00:52:15,499 --> 00:52:19,504
Well, every time he flies that little plane
of his, he's saving lives by not crashing.
866
00:52:19,670 --> 00:52:20,808
And in my book...
867
00:52:21,338 --> 00:52:22,646
...that makes him a hero.
868
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,784
Thank you.
You know, a lot of people actually--
869
00:52:25,943 --> 00:52:30,323
Not to mention, he also snagged himself
one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there.
870
00:52:30,481 --> 00:52:33,485
You gotta stop that today. Stop it.
871
00:52:34,451 --> 00:52:37,022
You know what I always wanted
to know was...
872
00:52:37,655 --> 00:52:40,795
...when did you first know the weather?
873
00:52:42,159 --> 00:52:43,194
You all right, Deb?
874
00:52:43,427 --> 00:52:45,338
- What?
-Hey, there's a cow.
875
00:52:46,797 --> 00:52:48,538
Oh, not a cow. That's a steer.
876
00:52:48,699 --> 00:52:52,772
That there is $6000 worth ofjuicy,
purebred Angus beef.
877
00:52:54,204 --> 00:52:57,447
It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle.
He's even named them.
878
00:52:57,641 --> 00:53:01,111
Uh-huh.
Old Sebastian here loves him some ribs.
879
00:53:01,278 --> 00:53:02,450
Here you g0, b0)'-
880
00:53:02,613 --> 00:53:04,786
Yeah. Oh, that's it.
881
00:53:07,151 --> 00:53:10,132
- Dad, isn't that“?
-Cannibalism? Yeah.
882
00:53:10,287 --> 00:53:14,133
You boys get up early tomorrow, you can
watch me herd these suckers into the corral.
883
00:53:14,324 --> 00:53:16,167
- Oh!
-Wai! a minute, wait a minute.
884
00:53:16,326 --> 00:53:17,737
You herd them yourself?
885
00:53:17,895 --> 00:53:19,499
Heh, I'm a man, aren't I?
886
00:53:19,663 --> 00:53:21,040
Yes.
887
00:53:22,232 --> 00:53:25,679
Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need
a hand out there, but I'd love to help.
888
00:53:25,836 --> 00:53:29,147
Sure thing. If you're up for it
I can always use an extra set of hands.
889
00:53:29,306 --> 00:53:32,753
Well, I was born with an extra set of hands.
890
00:53:33,677 --> 00:53:35,520
That's an odd thing to say, heh.
891
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,424
But I reckon this'll be
the highlight of your trip.
892
00:53:38,582 --> 00:53:42,223
Well, the real highlight, of course,
will be when we get to Walla}; World...
893
00:53:42,386 --> 00:53:46,391
...and I take my family on the Velociraptor.
894
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:50,232
I think it is so weird. I don't know
why you want to go back to Walley World...
895
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:51,873
...after Dad flipped out there.
896
00:53:52,029 --> 00:53:56,171
Audrey, Dad flipped out because
he loved us and wanted us to be close.
897
00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:59,109
And we were.
And that's all I want for my family.
898
00:54:00,771 --> 00:54:02,444
You're such a clown.
899
00:54:02,606 --> 00:54:03,949
You're a clown.
900
00:54:04,108 --> 00:54:05,917
Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right.
901
00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:10,525
You know, family is the most
important thing there is.
902
00:54:10,681 --> 00:54:12,524
Little something...
903
00:54:15,452 --> 00:54:17,728
Maybe we'll take baby Cooper
on a trip this summer.
904
00:54:17,888 --> 00:54:19,196
Yeah, not to Walla? World.
905
00:54:19,356 --> 00:54:21,029
- Oh, God, no.
-Because thafd be stupid.
906
00:54:21,191 --> 00:54:23,364
That'd be stupid.
How about Paris?
907
00:54:26,396 --> 00:54:29,206
And then we get back
I can maybe get a part-time job?
908
00:54:29,366 --> 00:54:32,279
Well, not while there's breath
in my body, sweetheart.
909
00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:39,713
You know, honey, I am really happy
for your sister.
910
00:54:39,877 --> 00:54:40,912
- Yeah?
-Seriously.
911
00:54:41,078 --> 00:54:43,922
She and Stone seem really in love. It's nice.
912
00:54:44,081 --> 00:54:47,085
These pants Stone gave me are really
stretched out in the crotch.
913
00:54:47,251 --> 00:54:49,424
Weird. Why would they be
stretched out in the-f?
914
00:54:49,586 --> 00:54:51,224
- God, I don't know.
-Holy shit.
915
00:54:51,388 --> 00:54:53,629
How much you think they paid
for this house?
916
00:54:54,958 --> 00:54:58,428
Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa.
917
00:54:58,595 --> 00:55:00,768
Oh, should I see if Audrey has
a Yankee Candle?
918
00:55:00,931 --> 00:55:03,571
Fuck the Yankee Candle.
I wanna do this now.
919
00:55:04,735 --> 00:55:07,978
- Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God.
-Oh, what has gotten into you?
920
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:10,445
What'! What, what?
921
00:55:11,341 --> 00:55:12,911
This is because of him, isn't it?
922
00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:14,419
What? Who?
923
00:55:15,245 --> 00:55:16,815
Because of who?
924
00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:18,323
Because of Stone.
925
00:55:18,482 --> 00:55:20,826
- What?
-That's why you're jumping my bones.
926
00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:23,021
- You're thinking of him.
-That's ridiculous.
927
00:55:23,187 --> 00:55:25,258
Then how come the one night
we're with him...
928
00:55:25,422 --> 00:55:29,871
...you turn into some kind of sexual character?
-I don't know where you're going with this--
929
00:55:30,027 --> 00:55:32,439
- Where's your wedding ring?
-Oh, my God.
930
00:55:32,596 --> 00:55:34,940
Before we got here, you took off
your wedding ring?
931
00:55:35,098 --> 00:55:37,044
No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose.
932
00:55:37,201 --> 00:55:38,646
You remember how loose it was?
933
00:55:38,802 --> 00:55:40,873
And I musfve just dropped it somewhere.
934
00:55:41,038 --> 00:55:44,110
What was the plan? Show up
with no ring, he'll think you're single?
935
00:55:44,274 --> 00:55:46,880
How will he think I'm single
if I'm here with my husband?
936
00:55:47,044 --> 00:55:48,717
I don't know. It was your plan.
937
00:55:48,879 --> 00:55:50,984
It was not my pl-- Okay.
938
00:55:52,216 --> 00:55:57,359
Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay?
939
00:55:57,554 --> 00:55:59,465
But I married you, Rusty.
940
00:55:59,623 --> 00:56:01,864
And I am so sorry that I lost my ring...
941
00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:05,905
...but I would never, ever, ever
take it off on purpose.
942
00:56:08,665 --> 00:56:10,975
I know, I know. I just...
943
00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:15,740
I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just...
944
00:56:17,074 --> 00:56:18,348
We'll get you another ring.
945
00:56:18,508 --> 00:56:20,181
I liked that one.
946
00:56:22,646 --> 00:56:24,353
Hey, y'all decent?
947
00:56:24,514 --> 00:56:25,925
- Yes. Hi.
-Hey.
948
00:56:26,083 --> 00:56:29,860
Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all
had everything you needed for the night.
949
00:56:30,554 --> 00:56:31,692
Yep.
950
00:56:32,689 --> 00:56:33,827
All right.
951
00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:37,767
Man, it sure is beautiful here
this time of year, ain't it?
952
00:56:38,829 --> 00:56:41,105
And quiet. Listen.
953
00:56:41,832 --> 00:56:43,209
You hear that?
954
00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:47,780
- No.
-Exactly. It's perfect silence.
955
00:56:48,005 --> 00:56:49,245
Hmm.
956
00:56:50,073 --> 00:56:52,075
Yeah, yeah.
957
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:56,190
Well, uh, TV remote.
Okay, let me show you.
958
00:56:56,346 --> 00:56:58,451
I've got, uh, channels...
959
00:56:58,615 --> 00:57:00,060
...and the volume.
960
00:57:00,217 --> 00:57:01,560
On. Off.
961
00:57:02,085 --> 00:57:04,031
- Pretty straightforward.
-Yeah.
962
00:57:04,187 --> 00:57:06,360
- Yeah.
-Great.
963
00:57:06,523 --> 00:57:07,558
All right.
964
00:57:07,724 --> 00:57:11,536
Well, uh, if you get thirsty,
there's fresh milk in the fridge...
965
00:57:11,695 --> 00:57:14,699
...and have yourselves a good night.
966
00:57:14,865 --> 00:57:16,970
Uh-huh.
- Okay.
967
00:57:17,134 --> 00:57:19,307
- Night, Stone.
-Good night, Stone.
968
00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:21,141
Man.
969
00:57:22,873 --> 00:57:24,250
Yeah.
970
00:57:27,377 --> 00:57:28,549
0K8)'-
971
00:57:31,281 --> 00:57:34,262
He totally just came in here
to show off his six-pack.
972
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:39,665
Hey, morning.
973
00:57:39,890 --> 00:57:41,892
Ugh, barely.
974
00:57:42,059 --> 00:57:43,766
How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.?
975
00:57:43,927 --> 00:57:46,134
Well, I gotta be at the station by 7:30".
976
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:48,936
...for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report.
977
00:57:49,766 --> 00:57:51,609
Hey, you ever ride one of these things?
978
00:57:52,602 --> 00:57:54,013
No, never have.
979
00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:58,916
But, uh, can't imagine it's more
complicated than an Airbus A318.
980
00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:01,579
Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit.
981
00:58:01,745 --> 00:58:05,022
Now, the key here is to move
back and forth along the edge of the herd.
982
00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:08,322
You keep your distance, though.
You don't want to spook them.
983
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,123
Got it.
984
00:58:10,287 --> 00:58:11,664
0K8)'-
985
00:58:12,756 --> 00:58:13,791
Are there helmets?
986
00:58:14,358 --> 00:58:16,463
Yeah, I keep them with the tampons.
987
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,473
Just basic safety.
988
00:58:25,936 --> 00:58:27,313
This is exciting!
989
00:58:27,471 --> 00:58:30,213
It's my favorite way to start the day.
990
00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:32,448
This, and making love to your sister.
991
00:58:33,110 --> 00:58:34,316
Thank you for that.
992
00:58:39,149 --> 00:58:40,492
Come on, let's go!
993
00:58:41,318 --> 00:58:43,525
It looks like we got us
a couple of mavericks.
994
00:58:43,687 --> 00:58:46,531
You take the one on the left.
I'll take the one on the right.
995
00:58:46,690 --> 00:58:48,533
Unless you need my help with yours.
996
00:58:48,692 --> 00:58:50,137
No, I think I got it.
997
00:58:50,293 --> 00:58:52,330
Last one to the corral's
a rotten cowpoke.
998
00:58:58,468 --> 00:58:59,879
Let's go!
999
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:02,142
Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go!
1000
00:59:03,807 --> 00:59:04,842
Whoa!
1001
00:59:12,249 --> 00:59:13,523
Hey!
1002
00:59:14,918 --> 00:59:16,192
Holy shit!
1003
00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:18,992
Oh, my gosh'.!
1004
00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:27,836
ls the cow okay?
1005
00:59:27,998 --> 00:59:31,070
No, the cow's not okay, Russ.
You drove plumb through him.
1006
00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:32,838
Oh, no, Sebastian.
1007
00:59:35,205 --> 00:59:36,616
Gross.
1008
00:59:50,554 --> 00:59:51,862
Hey. sang, uh...
1009
00:59:52,522 --> 00:59:54,934
Maybe for lunch we could find
a burger place.
1010
00:59:55,225 --> 00:59:56,966
You know, like a, uh...
1011
00:59:57,627 --> 01:00:00,233
Like a drive-through burger place.
1012
01:00:02,299 --> 01:00:04,540
I don't know, Dad. I think we should, uh...
1013
01:00:04,701 --> 01:00:06,942
...steer clear of that.
1014
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:09,744
- Good one, James.
-All right, enough, you guys.
1015
01:00:09,906 --> 01:00:13,319
Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on.
1016
01:00:14,978 --> 01:00:16,958
- Oh, I got one.
-Yeah? Let's hear it.
1017
01:00:17,380 --> 01:00:19,451
James is a piece of shit.
1018
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:21,653
You kind of missed the point there, buddy.
1019
01:00:58,989 --> 01:01:01,765
- Hey, hey.
-What'! What is it? What's wrong?
1020
01:01:01,925 --> 01:01:03,131
- Is everything okay?
-Yeah.
1021
01:01:03,293 --> 01:01:04,772
- No, nothing's wrong.
-Okay.
1022
01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:06,965
- Well, what?
-I have an idea.
1023
01:01:07,264 --> 01:01:10,143
And it's gonna sound crazy,
but hear me out, okay?
1024
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,938
.Ok8Y-
.Okay-
1025
01:01:12,636 --> 01:01:15,014
We're right near
the Four Corners Monument...
1026
01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:18,119
...which is where four states
come together in one spot.
1027
01:01:18,275 --> 01:01:20,846
- So?
-Let's go have sex on it.
1028
01:01:21,444 --> 01:01:22,514
What? Heh.
1029
01:01:23,813 --> 01:01:27,488
Yeah, that way we can make love in
four states at the same time.
1030
01:01:27,651 --> 01:01:28,721
Wait.
1031
01:01:29,152 --> 01:01:30,722
You're serious?
1032
01:01:31,288 --> 01:01:34,497
Yeah. I mean, you're the one who
said we should mix it up.
1033
01:01:34,658 --> 01:01:37,662
What's more mixed-up than sex
on a public monument?
1034
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:40,697
Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything
would do it.
1035
01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:42,969
Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything
was a dumb-ass.
1036
01:01:43,133 --> 01:01:45,170
Maybe that's what we need.
1037
01:01:45,335 --> 01:01:47,406
To be dumbasses together.
1038
01:01:48,405 --> 01:01:50,043
What about the kids?
1039
01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,478
Well, Kevin's kind of a dumb-ass.
1040
01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:53,746
No, no, honey.
1041
01:01:53,910 --> 01:01:56,015
What are we gonna do about them?
1042
01:01:56,313 --> 01:01:58,418
They're fine. They're fast asleep.
1043
01:01:58,582 --> 01:02:00,994
We'll be back
before they know we're gone.
1044
01:02:01,751 --> 01:02:02,889
- Okay.
-Yeah?
1045
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:04,589
All right, let's do it.
1046
01:02:21,004 --> 01:02:22,210
Mom?
1047
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,275
Dad?
1048
01:02:30,046 --> 01:02:31,719
- James?
-Mom?
1049
01:02:33,350 --> 01:02:36,559
- Adena?
-Are you, like, stalking me or something?
1050
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,791
No. What? No.
1051
01:02:38,955 --> 01:02:40,696
I'm kidding.
1052
01:02:40,857 --> 01:02:41,927
- Relax ,heh.
-Oh!
1053
01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:49,403
Hey, what happened with that perv
who was hitting on you in Arkansas?
1054
01:02:50,467 --> 01:02:52,378
That was actually my dad.
1055
01:02:53,236 --> 01:02:55,409
He was trying to be my wingman.
1056
01:02:55,572 --> 01:02:57,813
Oh, my God.
1057
01:02:58,575 --> 01:03:00,953
He's a really shitty wingman.
1058
01:03:04,114 --> 01:03:06,458
So no guitar tonight?
1059
01:03:07,150 --> 01:03:08,788
It got stolen.
1060
01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:10,931
That sucks.
1061
01:03:11,888 --> 01:03:13,663
I really liked hearing you play.
1062
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:16,160
You did?
1063
01:03:16,326 --> 01:03:18,966
Yeah, I've always had a thing for musicians.
1064
01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:23,770
Well, good...
1065
01:03:23,933 --> 01:03:26,914
...because I've always had a thing for...
1066
01:03:27,470 --> 01:03:29,006
...pretty girls.
1067
01:03:31,775 --> 01:03:33,186
Well played.
1068
01:03:35,512 --> 01:03:37,753
See? You don't need a wingman.
1069
01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:47,700
Here it is.
1070
01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,799
Oh, my God. This is so illegal.
1071
01:03:49,959 --> 01:03:52,769
- I know, it's so hot, right?
-Yeah.
1072
01:03:52,929 --> 01:03:54,374
I am hard as a faucet right now.
1073
01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:58,945
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-Oh. No. I like it.
1074
01:03:59,102 --> 01:04:00,137
- Yeah?
-Yeah.
1075
01:04:00,303 --> 01:04:01,338
- Yeah?
-I do.
1076
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:03,950
- You like it when I slap that ass?
-I do, I do, heh.
1077
01:04:04,107 --> 01:04:07,350
- Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass.
-Whoa, Russ.
1078
01:04:07,510 --> 01:04:09,387
Okay, right here?
1079
01:04:14,718 --> 01:04:17,494
- We're about to have sex outside.
-I know. Heh, I know.
1080
01:04:17,654 --> 01:04:20,191
- Do you want me to put a finger in?
-In what?
1081
01:04:20,357 --> 01:04:21,495
- Never mind.
-Okay, okay.
1082
01:04:22,025 --> 01:04:23,368
Y'all wanna keep it down?
1083
01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:26,132
- Yeah! Yeah!
-Hey, watch it, man!
1084
01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:28,742
- Get your leg off me!
-You're so slippery and sweaty!
1085
01:04:28,898 --> 01:04:32,004
If you're here to have sex on the Corners,
we're next. Get in line.
1086
01:04:32,235 --> 01:04:33,680
- Oh, my gosh.
-Oh, God.
1087
01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:39,679
Oh, God!
1088
01:04:40,410 --> 01:04:42,219
Oh, God! They're in every state!
1089
01:04:42,379 --> 01:04:43,756
So many boobies out here!
1090
01:04:43,913 --> 01:04:45,392
You two! Freeze!
1091
01:04:45,548 --> 01:04:46,754
Go, go, go!
1092
01:04:46,916 --> 01:04:47,986
Hands up!
1093
01:04:48,151 --> 01:04:49,994
- Run! Honey, run!
- Get your shoe!
1094
01:04:50,153 --> 01:04:52,429
Drop the flashlight!
1095
01:04:52,589 --> 01:04:56,537
You do know public indecency
is a crime in the state of Utah?
1096
01:04:56,693 --> 01:04:57,728
Yes. Sorry, officer.
1097
01:04:57,894 --> 01:05:01,000
- See, we're married, and we wanted to just--
-Save it for the judge.
1098
01:05:01,164 --> 01:05:05,408
It makes me sick how you deviants show up
and desecrate this holy place every night.
1099
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:08,014
- Turn around. Hands behind your back.
-What?
1100
01:05:08,171 --> 01:05:09,775
Not so fast, Tommy.
1101
01:05:09,939 --> 01:05:12,442
Shoot for sherbet.
What are you doing here, Kyle?
1102
01:05:12,609 --> 01:05:16,216
These people are clearly in the state
of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.
1103
01:05:16,379 --> 01:05:18,188
Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.
1104
01:05:18,381 --> 01:05:21,055
Look at her left foot. Smack-dab in Arizona.
1105
01:05:21,217 --> 01:05:24,096
You weed-legalizing, Mile-High piece of shit.
1106
01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:27,292
- Hey, there's no reason for that language.
-Sorry, Officer Mormon.
1107
01:05:27,457 --> 01:05:28,936
You don't like that? I have an idea.
1108
01:05:29,125 --> 01:05:31,469
Why don't you plug up your ears
with Mitt Romney's dick?
1109
01:05:31,694 --> 01:05:32,900
- Ha, ha.
-Hey.
1110
01:05:33,096 --> 01:05:36,373
Oh, looks like New Mexico decided
to wake up from his siesta.
1111
01:05:36,533 --> 01:05:39,537
- What's the trouble?
-Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher.
1112
01:05:39,702 --> 01:05:42,080
You are wearing entirely too much
goddamn turquoise.
1113
01:05:42,238 --> 01:05:43,615
Hey, we can do this without...
1114
01:05:43,773 --> 01:05:47,277
...disrespecting each other's traditions.
-Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy.
1115
01:05:47,444 --> 01:05:49,890
This is what I'm telling you.
Every night we do this.
1116
01:05:50,046 --> 01:05:53,926
You know what this border represents?
It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying.
1117
01:05:54,083 --> 01:05:57,826
- If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp--
-Ah! My house!
1118
01:05:57,987 --> 01:05:59,295
- Hey!
-Stay out of my state.
1119
01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:02,164
- What are you gonna do now?
-Get your feet off of my state!
1120
01:06:02,325 --> 01:06:03,633
You wanna stomp on my foot?!
1121
01:06:03,793 --> 01:06:05,397
- You back--
-Is that what you want?
1122
01:06:05,562 --> 01:06:07,007
Hey, I wasn't even in it!
1123
01:06:07,163 --> 01:06:09,666
Don't you kick in here! Don't start...
1124
01:06:09,833 --> 01:06:11,073
How about this, then, huh'?
1125
01:06:12,268 --> 01:06:14,305
- We got a live weapon!
-Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1126
01:06:14,471 --> 01:06:16,951
- Think I'm afraid of that?
-I'm not afraid of you.
1127
01:06:17,106 --> 01:06:19,586
- How about that, huh?
-Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?
1128
01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:25,187
- Are we--? I don't want it in my mouth.
-Let's not do that.
1129
01:06:25,348 --> 01:06:28,420
- I'll take that all in, dude.
-That's enough! Everyone get down!
1130
01:06:28,585 --> 01:06:31,964
- Get down on the ground! Get down!
-Get down! Get down on the ground!
1131
01:06:32,121 --> 01:06:34,601
I'm cooperating!
I'm the one who's cooperating!
1132
01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:37,601
- You get down too. You get down too.
-Get down on the ground!
1133
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:39,137
- Hands where?
-Your right side.
1134
01:06:39,295 --> 01:06:40,672
- Sides or front?
-Side to side.
1135
01:06:40,830 --> 01:06:42,309
- Let's do this.
-Everyone down'?
1136
01:06:42,465 --> 01:06:44,672
- Okay.
-I think I'm done.
1137
01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:52,112
You can really see all the stars out here.
1138
01:06:53,042 --> 01:06:54,146
Yeah.
1139
01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:59,490
So, what do you feel like doing?
1140
01:06:59,682 --> 01:07:02,185
Heh. I don't know.
1141
01:07:09,692 --> 01:07:11,694
Can I give you a rim job'?
1142
01:07:14,163 --> 01:07:15,972
- Whoa.
-No.
1143
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:18,307
- What?
-I don't know.
1144
01:07:18,468 --> 01:07:20,914
- What's wrong with you?
-I don't know. I'm sorry.
1145
01:07:21,137 --> 01:07:22,741
What did you wanna do?
1146
01:07:22,906 --> 01:07:26,319
I don't know. I thought maybe we could...
1147
01:07:26,476 --> 01:07:27,580
...kiss or something?
1148
01:07:27,744 --> 01:07:29,815
Well, yeah, that's what I thought l...
1149
01:07:29,979 --> 01:07:31,822
Yeah. Okay.
1150
01:07:35,919 --> 01:07:37,159
Ow.
1151
01:07:37,353 --> 01:07:39,094
Where's Mom and Dad, dork?
1152
01:07:39,255 --> 01:07:41,257
I don't know.
Just go back inside the thing.
1153
01:07:41,424 --> 01:07:43,426
You were about to let that dingus kiss you?
1154
01:07:43,593 --> 01:07:45,231
Shut up, Kevin.
1155
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:48,035
- Who is that?
-My stupid little brother.
1156
01:07:48,197 --> 01:07:50,575
I thought you said he was your big brother.
1157
01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:52,872
-L-- Damn it!
-Dingus.
1158
01:07:53,036 --> 01:07:56,074
- Why do you take that from him?
-Am I supposed to hit him back?
1159
01:07:56,239 --> 01:07:58,082
- He's a little kid.
-He's a little shit.
1160
01:07:58,241 --> 01:08:03,088
- You don't have to let him push you around.
-I kind of thought I was taking the high road.
1161
01:08:03,246 --> 01:08:06,591
Yeah, that seems to be working out for you.
1162
01:08:07,717 --> 01:08:08,957
You know what?
1163
01:08:12,088 --> 01:08:13,567
Fuck it.
1164
01:08:15,224 --> 01:08:17,465
Okay, so you wanna do this now?
1165
01:08:17,627 --> 01:08:19,573
Bring it, bitch.
1166
01:08:21,397 --> 01:08:22,432
Wait, what?
1167
01:08:22,599 --> 01:08:23,805
No, no, no.
1168
01:08:24,534 --> 01:08:28,141
Wow, this is so easy.
You are such a little boy.
1169
01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:32,553
Unh! There's gonna be a few changes,
all right? No more bullying.
1170
01:08:32,709 --> 01:08:35,053
- Stop it. I'm telling Mom.
-Shut your mouth.
1171
01:08:35,211 --> 01:08:36,383
You gonna stop bullying?
1172
01:08:36,546 --> 01:08:38,082
You're hurting my tummy.
1173
01:08:38,247 --> 01:08:40,557
Say you're gonna stop, you little piece of...
1174
01:08:40,750 --> 01:08:42,730
...ass.
-Wait, what?
1175
01:08:42,885 --> 01:08:44,762
-"Piece of ass"?
-You know what I mean.
1176
01:08:45,388 --> 01:08:47,493
What are you doing to my face?
1177
01:08:47,657 --> 01:08:49,068
- This hurts, doesn't it?
-Dude.
1178
01:08:49,225 --> 01:08:52,638
- How do you like your ears getting messed up?
-it's really not that bad.
1179
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:55,901
- I'll tap you on the forehead.
- That's not how you beat someone up.
1180
01:08:56,065 --> 01:08:57,567
Very dehumanizing.
1181
01:08:57,734 --> 01:08:59,577
Your forehead's gonna be so sore.
1182
01:08:59,736 --> 01:09:01,613
Stop it! What are you doing?!
1183
01:09:01,771 --> 01:09:05,184
- How do you like your lips getting tickled?
-This is really weird.
1184
01:09:05,341 --> 01:09:07,082
Just smush your cheeks.
1185
01:09:07,243 --> 01:09:11,123
- You gonna stop bullying?
-Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this.
1186
01:09:13,516 --> 01:09:14,654
Thank you, Adena.
1187
01:09:14,817 --> 01:09:16,091
This has been...
1188
01:09:16,352 --> 01:09:18,127
...the best night of my life.
1189
01:09:23,926 --> 01:09:25,803
Weird fucking family.
1190
01:09:27,797 --> 01:09:29,538
Well, that was awful.
1191
01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:34,815
At least the kids never woke up.
1192
01:09:44,147 --> 01:09:46,957
Passengers on the left side
of the Prancer will notice...
1193
01:09:47,116 --> 01:09:49,323
...the Grand Canyon out the window.
1194
01:09:49,485 --> 01:09:52,625
That's right. Last stop before Walla? World.
1195
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:05,736
So, guys...
1196
01:10:05,902 --> 01:10:09,076
...when we visited the Grand Canyon
when I was a kid...
1197
01:10:09,238 --> 01:10:11,343
...we barely had a chance to look at it.
1198
01:10:11,507 --> 01:10:13,248
This time...
1199
01:10:13,409 --> 01:10:15,821
...we're gonna do a whole lot more
than look.
1200
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,891
- Oh, cool.
- Sweet.
1201
01:10:24,353 --> 01:10:26,094
Hi, folks! Hi!
1202
01:10:26,255 --> 01:10:28,201
All right, let's see, who do we got here?
1203
01:10:28,357 --> 01:10:29,768
You must be...
1204
01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:31,564
...the Fung family.
1205
01:10:31,761 --> 01:10:32,933
Huh?
1206
01:10:34,030 --> 01:10:36,101
I'm just messing!
You're the Griswolds, right?
1207
01:10:36,265 --> 01:10:37,573
Yes, that's right.
1208
01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:41,614
Heh, right. The little guy's face
was like, "Fungs?"
1209
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:45,883
Anyway, I'm Chad. I'm gonna be your guide.
1210
01:10:46,042 --> 01:10:48,750
- Okay. Hi, Chad.
-You couldn't have come on a better day.
1211
01:10:48,911 --> 01:10:50,185
I'll get you all geared up.
1212
01:10:50,346 --> 01:10:52,519
And, guess what, the river's
running way high...
1213
01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:55,219
...so I think we're in for
a pretty sweet ride, guys.
1214
01:10:55,384 --> 01:10:56,886
- Let's roll.
-All right.
1215
01:10:57,053 --> 01:10:58,589
Let's do this.
1216
01:10:58,788 --> 01:11:01,769
Okay, gang, joke time is over.
Let's get serious for a second.
1217
01:11:01,924 --> 01:11:04,632
Go over a couple safety procedures
before we hit the water.
1218
01:11:04,794 --> 01:11:08,936
First off, do any of you know this river?
Because this is actually my first time.
1219
01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:12,570
I'm kidding, ha, ha.
1220
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:16,239
Been doing this about three and a half years.
Know the river inside and out.
1221
01:11:16,405 --> 01:11:18,783
Got my guide certificate from
a Cracker Jack box.
1222
01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:22,779
Guys, it's a joke.
See the little kid's face? He's all:
1223
01:11:22,945 --> 01:11:24,947
"A Cracker Jack box? A what?!"
1224
01:11:27,250 --> 01:11:29,321
All you gotta do is follow my instructions...
1225
01:11:29,485 --> 01:11:32,091
...and we got a 50-50 chance
of coming back alive.
1226
01:11:33,990 --> 01:11:36,493
I'm kidding, guys.
See the little kid's face, he's all:
1227
01:11:36,659 --> 01:11:39,572
"I'm coming back alive! I don't wanna die!"
1228
01:11:40,930 --> 01:11:43,342
Sorry, hang on a second.
I'm getting a call from my fiancée here.
1229
01:11:43,499 --> 01:11:46,503
Just got engaged two weeks ago.
so I think I'm gonna take this...
1230
01:11:46,669 --> 01:11:49,741
...or the river's not gonna be the only
hot water I'm in today.
1231
01:11:50,306 --> 01:11:51,842
River's actually very cold.
1232
01:11:52,008 --> 01:11:53,078
Hey, boo.
1233
01:11:54,110 --> 01:11:55,783
- Wow, this is awesome.
-Ah.
1234
01:11:55,945 --> 01:11:59,916
We're about to set sail through one of
America's greatest aquatic treasures.
1235
01:12:00,082 --> 01:12:02,358
- Kevin, don't hit your brother.
-I didn't.
1236
01:12:03,953 --> 01:12:06,695
You heard what he said
about the "aquatic treasures," right?
1237
01:12:06,856 --> 01:12:09,097
- Yeah.
-And you didn't wanna hit him'?
1238
01:12:11,460 --> 01:12:13,030
- Well, that's progress.
-Wow.
1239
01:12:13,196 --> 01:12:16,143
I don't understand, though.
Like, what are you even saying?
1240
01:12:16,365 --> 01:12:18,276
But just like that?
1241
01:12:18,434 --> 01:12:20,778
I love you. You love me.
1242
01:12:20,937 --> 01:12:24,214
Tanya, please. Please, just let's
think about this for a second, honey.
1243
01:12:24,373 --> 01:12:27,616
You're all that I have in this world.
Tanya, no, babe.
1244
01:12:27,777 --> 01:12:31,384
No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up.
No, no! Goddamn it!
1245
01:12:51,701 --> 01:12:53,703
Who's ready to go on the river?
1246
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:56,645
Um, are you okay, Chad?
1247
01:12:56,806 --> 01:12:58,183
Oh, yeah.
1248
01:12:58,341 --> 01:13:00,582
Turns out I'm not engaged anymore.
1249
01:13:00,743 --> 01:13:01,847
30...
1250
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,188
All aboard.
1251
01:13:06,849 --> 01:13:08,328
I don't know about this, Russ.
1252
01:13:08,918 --> 01:13:10,397
Oh, come on.
1253
01:13:10,686 --> 01:13:11,926
He's kidding.
1254
01:14:04,874 --> 01:14:08,151
Get it together!
1255
01:14:24,660 --> 01:14:25,934
Oh, shit.
1256
01:14:27,730 --> 01:14:29,607
Everybody out of the boat.
1257
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,690
Can we go home now?
1258
01:14:52,855 --> 01:14:53,925
What?
1259
01:14:54,123 --> 01:14:55,932
We're a day away from Walla? World.
1260
01:14:56,092 --> 01:14:59,005
Dad, I don't think any of us
really care about Walley World.
1261
01:14:59,161 --> 01:15:02,108
The boys are right, Russ. I mean,
we almost died back there.
1262
01:15:02,264 --> 01:15:04,642
I mean, isn't it time that we just
cut our losses?
1263
01:15:05,134 --> 01:15:07,705
I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
1264
01:15:08,104 --> 01:15:09,378
Oh, my God.
1265
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:15,113
Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right?
We were meant to finish this trip.
1266
01:15:15,277 --> 01:15:17,450
Come on, guys, everybody sing it with me.
1267
01:15:17,613 --> 01:15:23,655
There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
1268
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,359
We're losing the station.
1269
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:28,058
- We're not losing anything.
- Yes--
1270
01:15:28,224 --> 01:15:30,067
We just have to listen a little harder!
1271
01:15:30,559 --> 01:15:33,972
Love remained
A drug--
1272
01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:35,905
Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone.
1273
01:15:36,065 --> 01:15:37,373
- Just let it go.
- Fine.
1274
01:15:37,533 --> 01:15:40,912
Just thought we could all sing Seal
together like normal families do.
1275
01:15:42,371 --> 01:15:44,146
- Oh, crap.
- Now what?
1276
01:15:44,306 --> 01:15:47,344
- We're almost out of gas.
-Oh, my God.
1277
01:15:47,510 --> 01:15:48,545
It's all right.
1278
01:15:48,711 --> 01:15:52,523
I'm sure we will find a place to fill up
around here before we run out.
1279
01:15:54,483 --> 01:15:55,553
Man.
1280
01:15:56,185 --> 01:15:57,721
No signal at all.
1281
01:15:59,922 --> 01:16:02,232
Wonder if the Prancer has
roadside assistance.
1282
01:16:02,425 --> 01:16:06,202
- How would we even call them?
-Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob.
1283
01:16:06,362 --> 01:16:08,569
Seriously? You're gonna keep
pressing buttons?
1284
01:16:08,731 --> 01:16:11,712
- Well, we never tried the top hat.
-Oh, jeez.
1285
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:13,873
Oh, my God!
1286
01:16:15,438 --> 01:16:17,679
Well, now we know what the top hat does.
1287
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:22,112
I'm not gonna do the swastika.
All that's left is the muffin.
1288
01:16:24,613 --> 01:16:25,956
Come on, muffin.
1289
01:16:28,617 --> 01:16:29,857
- What?
- It started.
1290
01:16:30,019 --> 01:16:31,430
- Yes.
-All right.
1291
01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:33,897
Oh, must be the extra gas tank.
1292
01:16:34,056 --> 01:16:35,091
- Right?
-The muffin.
1293
01:16:35,257 --> 01:16:36,861
Dad to the rescue.
1294
01:16:37,026 --> 01:16:38,630
Thank God. Wait, where's it going?
1295
01:16:38,794 --> 01:16:39,966
Wait! Wait a minute!
1296
01:16:41,530 --> 01:16:42,804
- Make it stop!
-I don't know how!
1297
01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:44,376
I'll hit the muffin again!
1298
01:17:05,054 --> 01:17:08,297
- All right, we can handle this.
-Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that.
1299
01:17:08,457 --> 01:17:11,768
Do not say that we
can handle this, Russ. Okay?
1300
01:17:11,927 --> 01:17:13,429
- We can.
- No, we can't!
1301
01:17:13,596 --> 01:17:14,904
We can't!
1302
01:17:15,064 --> 01:17:18,136
From the moment we left for this trip,
nothing has gone right.
1303
01:17:18,300 --> 01:17:20,906
Can you please just admit that
this was a mistake?
1304
01:17:22,505 --> 01:17:25,008
But it wasn't. Right? We all wanted to go.
1305
01:17:25,174 --> 01:17:26,346
- I didn't.
-Me neither.
1306
01:17:26,509 --> 01:17:27,579
Me neither.
1307
01:17:27,743 --> 01:17:28,813
You wanted to go.
1308
01:17:28,978 --> 01:17:32,983
All right, I think tempers are getting
a little hot right now. We just have to, uh...
1309
01:17:34,750 --> 01:17:36,161
We just all have to...
1310
01:17:38,621 --> 01:17:40,032
Fuck me!
1311
01:17:40,456 --> 01:17:41,662
I give up!
1312
01:17:41,824 --> 01:17:43,997
All I wanted to do was take
my fucking family...
1313
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,004
...on a fucking trip to Walley World,
and ride the fucking Velociraptor!
1314
01:17:47,196 --> 01:17:49,972
Ow. There's a rock in that.
1315
01:17:52,134 --> 01:17:55,343
I guess I'm the asshole for trying to
bring my family closer together.
1316
01:17:55,504 --> 01:17:59,042
What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be
with me, and a wife who's miserable.
1317
01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:00,812
- Russ...
- Oh, come on, Debbie.
1318
01:18:00,976 --> 01:18:05,391
You know it's true. You think you settled
for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot.
1319
01:18:05,548 --> 01:18:06,856
Well, guess what.
1320
01:18:07,016 --> 01:18:09,656
I get offers from international
carriers all the time...
1321
01:18:09,885 --> 01:18:11,887
...and I turn them down. Why?
1322
01:18:12,054 --> 01:18:14,796
I don't wanna be away from you
and the kids that long.
1323
01:18:14,957 --> 01:18:16,300
I'm an idiot.
1324
01:18:16,458 --> 01:18:20,736
I should take one of those jobs
and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi...
1325
01:18:20,896 --> 01:18:23,342
...and the Lost Gardens of...
1326
01:18:23,499 --> 01:18:24,739
...wherever the fuck!
1327
01:18:25,401 --> 01:18:26,675
Just forget it.
1328
01:18:26,835 --> 01:18:29,145
Forget this whole stupid trip.
1329
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,643
You people are on your own.
1330
01:18:31,807 --> 01:18:34,048
I'm sure you'll find a better
husband and father.
1331
01:18:34,210 --> 01:18:36,986
A cowboy with a huge six-pack...
1332
01:18:37,146 --> 01:18:39,148
...who will take you to Paris...
1333
01:18:39,315 --> 01:18:40,760
...and wrestling...
1334
01:18:41,650 --> 01:18:43,095
...and books.
1335
01:18:43,252 --> 01:18:44,356
What--?
1336
01:18:44,887 --> 01:18:46,195
Wait, where are you going?
1337
01:18:46,388 --> 01:18:48,061
Fuck if I know!
1338
01:18:48,524 --> 01:18:50,936
Ow. God!
1339
01:18:51,260 --> 01:18:54,400
These tumbleweeds are all filled
with things that are hard!
1340
01:19:02,671 --> 01:19:03,706
What the...?
1341
01:19:11,180 --> 01:19:12,716
Oh, no.
1342
01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:15,755
Help.
1343
01:19:16,118 --> 01:19:17,392
Help.
1344
01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:19,361
Help!
1345
01:19:19,588 --> 01:19:21,090
Help!
1346
01:19:21,523 --> 01:19:22,558
Stop!
1347
01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:24,227
Come on. Go, go, go.
1348
01:19:24,893 --> 01:19:26,236
Help!
1349
01:19:28,464 --> 01:19:29,534
No!
1350
01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:32,778
Help!
1351
01:19:44,246 --> 01:19:45,657
- Don't you kill him!
-Dad!
1352
01:19:45,814 --> 01:19:47,259
I'm so sorry.
1353
01:19:47,416 --> 01:19:49,828
When I called you a pedophile, I was--
1354
01:19:49,985 --> 01:19:51,055
No! No, no, no!
1355
01:19:51,220 --> 01:19:53,996
No! Not in front of my family!
1356
01:19:55,257 --> 01:19:57,737
Your wife left this in a truck stop in Missouri.
1357
01:19:58,127 --> 01:19:59,731
Thought you might want it back.
1358
01:20:00,496 --> 01:20:02,066
Oh, my God.
1359
01:20:02,331 --> 01:20:03,776
Wait, wait.
1360
01:20:03,932 --> 01:20:05,468
Is that my ring?
1361
01:20:07,069 --> 01:20:09,675
This man's been trying to return it
to us the whole time.
1362
01:20:11,106 --> 01:20:13,177
I don't know how I could ever thank you.
1363
01:20:13,342 --> 01:20:14,844
No thanks necessary.
1364
01:20:15,177 --> 01:20:16,952
It was on my way.
1365
01:20:17,112 --> 01:20:18,250
So you're not a rapist?
1366
01:20:23,452 --> 01:20:25,489
Looks like your car's pretty messed up.
1367
01:20:26,655 --> 01:20:27,793
Where you headed?
1368
01:20:28,791 --> 01:20:30,031
Um...
1369
01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:33,364
Home, I guess.
1370
01:20:33,529 --> 01:20:36,874
Well, I can take you as far as
San Francisco. Will that help?
1371
01:20:38,934 --> 01:20:41,778
Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.
1372
01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:43,274
Thank you.
1373
01:20:43,439 --> 01:20:44,645
All right, come on, guys.
1374
01:20:44,807 --> 01:20:45,877
Thank you.
1375
01:20:49,144 --> 01:20:51,488
- He still didn't answer me.
- Oh, Kevin.
1376
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:10,305
Well, thanks for the ride.
Really appreciate it.
1377
01:21:10,466 --> 01:21:13,879
You never told us why you keep
that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
1378
01:21:14,036 --> 01:21:16,710
- Oh, yeah.
-it makes the kids feel more comfoflable.
1379
01:21:16,872 --> 01:21:18,408
Oh, yeah? You have kids?
1380
01:21:18,574 --> 01:21:19,814
Nope.
1381
01:21:20,576 --> 01:21:22,078
Right. Take care.
1382
01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:30,019
Well, I guess that's that.
1383
01:21:30,185 --> 01:21:32,927
Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow.
1384
01:21:33,088 --> 01:21:35,694
Do not stay here.
Worst bed and breakfast we've been to.
1385
01:21:35,858 --> 01:21:39,601
They ought to shut this place down.
The owner is a lunatic.
1386
01:21:40,095 --> 01:21:41,938
You all come back now, you hear?
1387
01:21:43,499 --> 01:21:46,173
Hey, look who made it.
1388
01:21:46,335 --> 01:21:48,747
Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here.
1389
01:21:48,904 --> 01:21:50,008
Hi, Dad.
1390
01:21:50,172 --> 01:21:52,118
- We were so happy to get that call.
- Hi.
1391
01:21:52,274 --> 01:21:53,719
How was your trip?
1392
01:21:53,876 --> 01:21:55,583
- It's a long story.
- Give me a hug.
1393
01:21:55,744 --> 01:21:57,849
- Hi, Grandpa.
-Oh. Come here, you two.
1394
01:21:58,013 --> 01:22:00,755
Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big.
1395
01:22:00,916 --> 01:22:03,419
- Come on, let's go inside.
-Grandpa, you don't have to.
1396
01:22:03,585 --> 01:22:05,064
- No, I can do it. Really.
-Russ.
1397
01:22:05,220 --> 01:22:07,530
- Clark.
- Oh, no. I got this.
1398
01:22:07,689 --> 01:22:08,929
I'm fine.
1399
01:22:09,191 --> 01:22:11,068
This really hurts.
1400
01:22:11,226 --> 01:22:14,139
Then the muffin made the car explode,
but it didn't matter.
1401
01:22:14,296 --> 01:22:16,867
Our luggage and all of our stuff
was already stolen...
1402
01:22:17,032 --> 01:22:20,070
...by the guy with the rat on his shoulder.
-Even took my guitar.
1403
01:22:20,235 --> 01:22:22,044
Oh, James, that's terrible.
1404
01:22:22,204 --> 01:22:24,810
A musician without his instrument is
as bad as...
1405
01:22:24,973 --> 01:22:26,884
...a shoemaker without a toilet seat.
1406
01:22:28,043 --> 01:22:29,886
Ah, I may have something for you.
1407
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:43,334
It's very fragile. Look.
1408
01:22:43,492 --> 01:22:45,768
- You take care of that.
-Wow, Grandpa.
1409
01:22:45,928 --> 01:22:47,498
Thank you so much.
1410
01:22:47,663 --> 01:22:49,165
- Cool.
-Yeah.
1411
01:22:49,331 --> 01:22:52,335
Doesn't look like much,
but that's a very special guitar.
1412
01:22:52,501 --> 01:22:55,414
- It was given to me by Bob Dillon.
-The Bob Dylan?
1413
01:22:55,571 --> 01:22:56,914
No, a Bob Dillon.
1414
01:22:57,072 --> 01:22:59,109
D-I-L-L-O-N.
1415
01:22:59,274 --> 01:23:00,912
- An accountant friend of mine.
-Oh.
1416
01:23:01,076 --> 01:23:03,454
But it was given to him by Jimmy Hendricks.
1417
01:23:03,612 --> 01:23:05,819
- The Jimi Hendrix?
-No.
1418
01:23:06,114 --> 01:23:09,186
So how's the B-and-B business going?
1419
01:23:09,351 --> 01:23:12,662
Oh, we love it, are you kidding?
It's a great fit for us. We love visitors.
1420
01:23:12,821 --> 01:23:15,802
We love having people around
to care for. We're people people.
1421
01:23:15,958 --> 01:23:19,337
- Hey, guys. You mind if we join you?
-We're occupied right now. Beat it.
1422
01:23:22,297 --> 01:23:24,937
Ah, it's getting late. Go to bed, okay?
1423
01:23:25,100 --> 01:23:26,704
- Okay.
-Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.
1424
01:23:26,869 --> 01:23:30,612
- Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you.
Nighty-night. Sleep tight.
1425
01:23:31,707 --> 01:23:34,483
Ah, well, you've certainly had an adventure.
1426
01:23:34,643 --> 01:23:37,021
Well, yes. "Adventure" is one way to put it.
1427
01:23:38,614 --> 01:23:40,457
- How's Audrey?
-Oh, she's great.
1428
01:23:40,949 --> 01:23:43,486
Yeah, she and Stone, they seem
to be very happy.
1429
01:23:43,652 --> 01:23:45,029
Key word there is "seem."
1430
01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:48,191
- What do you mean?
-Their marriage is a sham.
1431
01:23:48,357 --> 01:23:50,667
- What?
-Well, they sleep around on each other.
1432
01:23:50,826 --> 01:23:53,170
- Been doing it for years.
-Oh, my gosh.
1433
01:23:53,328 --> 01:23:58,641
I just wish Audrey had found a more
solid marriage like you and Rusty.
1434
01:24:13,215 --> 01:24:15,217
Hey, Russ, can we talk?
1435
01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:20,194
I knew we had some problems.
Is it this bad?
1436
01:24:21,557 --> 01:24:23,764
Is our marriage dying?
1437
01:24:23,926 --> 01:24:25,200
No.
1438
01:24:25,761 --> 01:24:28,332
No, a marriage only dies
when you stop trying.
1439
01:24:28,497 --> 01:24:30,841
And you have never stopped trying.
1440
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:33,212
I just think...
1441
01:24:33,368 --> 01:24:34,847
...maybe I did.
1442
01:24:35,370 --> 01:24:36,405
What do you mean?
1443
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:39,412
I've only been thinking about
myself, you know?
1444
01:24:39,575 --> 01:24:42,613
I wanted to change the routine,
and go on exotic trips and...
1445
01:24:42,778 --> 01:24:45,190
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
1446
01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:51,062
I was crazy to think I could make us
closer by locking us in a car for a week.
1447
01:24:51,219 --> 01:24:53,199
No, but you were doing that for us.
1448
01:24:53,355 --> 01:24:58,771
You have been trying so hard to make
this trip memorable for me and the kids...
1449
01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:01,464
...and I didn't appreciate that.
-But why would you?
1450
01:25:01,630 --> 01:25:04,804
I mean, I've put you through
some serious shit.
1451
01:25:04,967 --> 01:25:07,607
Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas.
1452
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:12,552
You deserve better.
1453
01:25:13,475 --> 01:25:15,580
What, better than you?
1454
01:25:15,911 --> 01:25:20,326
How many men would sacrifice their
careers for their family like you have?
1455
01:25:20,649 --> 01:25:22,925
Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything.
1456
01:25:23,385 --> 01:25:25,592
I have everything I've ever wanted.
1457
01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:40,137
- Debbie.
-Yeah'?
1458
01:25:40,302 --> 01:25:43,181
Will you continue to be my wife?
1459
01:25:43,338 --> 01:25:45,318
I wondered when you'd
give that back to me.
1460
01:25:45,474 --> 01:25:47,647
I was wondering if you still wanted it.
1461
01:25:47,809 --> 01:25:48,981
I do.
1462
01:25:56,952 --> 01:25:57,987
Wait a minute.
1463
01:25:58,153 --> 01:25:59,291
Are we gonna do this?
1464
01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:01,798
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna
pound the shit out of you.
1465
01:26:01,957 --> 01:26:03,129
- Russ.
-What?
1466
01:26:03,291 --> 01:26:04,702
Lock the door.
1467
01:26:04,860 --> 01:26:07,704
I'm gonna lock the shit out of that door.
1468
01:26:10,999 --> 01:26:13,479
- Hey, Dad.
-Morning, Rusty.
1469
01:26:13,635 --> 01:26:17,845
Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon?
There's a flight back to Chicago at 4.
1470
01:26:18,006 --> 01:26:19,383
Chicago?
1471
01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:21,282
What about Walls? World?
1472
01:26:21,443 --> 01:26:24,822
Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough.
1473
01:26:24,980 --> 01:26:28,792
- This trip's been a nightmare.
-Well, that's what family vacations are.
1474
01:26:28,950 --> 01:26:31,328
- But you can't give up, Russ.
-Well, why not?
1475
01:26:31,486 --> 01:26:36,526
I mean, they always say "its not
the destination, it's the journey," right'?
1476
01:26:36,692 --> 01:26:37,898
The journey sucks.
1477
01:26:38,060 --> 01:26:40,666
That's what makes you appreciate
the destination.
1478
01:26:40,829 --> 01:26:43,207
You had a dream to take your family
to Walley World.
1479
01:26:43,365 --> 01:26:45,504
Never let that go.
1480
01:26:45,667 --> 01:26:47,169
I know I didn't.
1481
01:26:51,473 --> 01:26:54,249
How would we even get to
Walla}; World? We don't have a car.
1482
01:26:54,409 --> 01:26:55,854
Hey, come on.
1483
01:26:57,512 --> 01:26:59,048
You leave that to me.
1484
01:27:10,092 --> 01:27:11,833
Oops, wrong door.
1485
01:27:26,875 --> 01:27:28,877
Could I, uh, take the Nissan?
1486
01:27:29,044 --> 01:27:31,581
Ha, ha. No, no.
1487
01:27:43,191 --> 01:27:45,467
Wait, Dad, I thought we were going
to the airport.
1488
01:27:45,627 --> 01:27:48,369
Boys, when your father makes you
a promise, he keeps it.
1489
01:27:48,530 --> 01:27:50,567
- That's not right.
-This sucks.
1490
01:28:10,652 --> 01:28:13,997
- Wow, this place is huge.
-Ha, ha.
1491
01:28:14,156 --> 01:28:15,829
This is dope as fuck.
1492
01:28:15,991 --> 01:28:17,163
Kevin.
1493
01:28:17,926 --> 01:28:19,928
Told you you guys would love it, right?
1494
01:28:20,428 --> 01:28:21,634
Hey, Dad.
1495
01:28:22,998 --> 01:28:25,638
- It really is dope as fuck.
- I know, right?
1496
01:28:25,801 --> 01:28:26,973
- Guys!
-Oh, wait!
1497
01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,583
There she is.
1498
01:28:33,742 --> 01:28:35,346
The Velociraptor.
1499
01:28:36,011 --> 01:28:38,821
- I can't believe we actually made it.
-Heh, I know.
1500
01:28:40,348 --> 01:28:42,794
- You guys ready for the ride of your life?
-Oh, yeah.
1501
01:28:42,951 --> 01:28:45,261
- If I'm being honest, it looks a little daunting.
-Ah!
1502
01:28:45,420 --> 01:28:47,923
- Come on. Race you to the ride.
-Yeah, go, go! Faster!
1503
01:28:48,089 --> 01:28:49,329
Come on!
1504
01:29:02,938 --> 01:29:04,940
Two more hours, guys.
1505
01:29:09,477 --> 01:29:11,616
Oh, my gosh.
1506
01:29:11,780 --> 01:29:14,226
- All right, guys. Get psyched.
-Yes.
1507
01:29:14,382 --> 01:29:16,862
This is it. This is why we came all this way.
1508
01:29:21,323 --> 01:29:22,893
Excuse us.
1509
01:29:24,226 --> 01:29:26,968
- What was that?
-Last ride tonight. Park's closing.
1510
01:29:27,128 --> 01:29:28,539
- No, we were next.
-What?
1511
01:29:30,498 --> 01:29:32,705
- That's not okay.
- Should be a misunderstanding.
1512
01:29:33,001 --> 01:29:34,537
Hey, excuse me.
1513
01:29:34,703 --> 01:29:36,410
You just cut in front of us.
1514
01:29:36,905 --> 01:29:40,148
No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass
so we get to skip the lines.
1515
01:29:40,308 --> 01:29:41,685
Fifth time today on this one.
1516
01:29:41,843 --> 01:29:46,724
Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles
to ride this ride...
1517
01:29:47,182 --> 01:29:48,991
...so you can't just take our spot.
1518
01:29:49,517 --> 01:29:51,053
Wait a minute, you...
1519
01:29:51,386 --> 01:29:52,524
Emma NY.
1520
01:29:52,687 --> 01:29:53,859
Yeah?
1521
01:29:54,356 --> 01:29:56,893
Good to see you. All right, I'll tell you what.
1522
01:29:57,058 --> 01:30:00,562
Why don't you and your family
go fuck yourselves?
1523
01:30:05,867 --> 01:30:07,005
I'm sorry, GUYS-
1524
01:30:09,537 --> 01:30:10,709
Oh, my God!
1525
01:30:13,241 --> 01:30:14,379
0K8)'-
1526
01:30:14,743 --> 01:30:16,120
You're a dead man.
1527
01:30:24,886 --> 01:30:27,059
- Get off!
-Oh, it's on.
1528
01:30:27,222 --> 01:30:28,257
Kevin, no!
1529
01:30:31,893 --> 01:30:33,270
No, you're not gonna fight.
1530
01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:36,204
- I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch.
-What?
1531
01:30:36,731 --> 01:30:37,801
Oh, shit.
1532
01:31:12,133 --> 01:31:14,977
No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on.
1533
01:31:17,472 --> 01:31:19,645
You people are fucking crazy.
1534
01:31:19,808 --> 01:31:22,687
- What kind of a family are you?
-We're the Griswolds.
1535
01:31:22,844 --> 01:31:24,346
See you around...
1536
01:31:24,512 --> 01:31:26,355
...you piece of ass.
1537
01:31:27,816 --> 01:31:29,193
- Let's do this.
-All right.
1538
01:31:29,351 --> 01:31:33,026
- I haven't been in a fight like that for years.
-First car, all right.
1539
01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:36,200
Man, our family fucked that family up.
1540
01:31:36,358 --> 01:31:39,134
- We did.
-Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm?
1541
01:31:39,294 --> 01:31:41,797
Oh, I saw it, honey.
You gave her a good scratch.
1542
01:31:41,963 --> 01:31:44,273
My fingers still hurt a little, but I'll be okay.
1543
01:31:44,432 --> 01:31:45,467
Oh, boy. Here we go.
1544
01:31:45,633 --> 01:31:47,635
- Hold on.
-Oh, gosh!
1545
01:32:14,462 --> 01:32:19,343
There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea.
1546
01:32:20,568 --> 01:32:27,315
You became
The tight on the dark side 01' me
1547
01:32:27,475 --> 01:32:33,858
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not the pill
1548
01:32:34,015 --> 01:32:36,655
But did you knew
Thai when it snows
1549
01:32:36,818 --> 01:32:42,666
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen?
1550
01:33:08,416 --> 01:33:10,453
- Russ?
- Yeah?
1551
01:33:10,618 --> 01:33:13,531
Is it supposed to stay upside-down
like this?
1552
01:33:13,688 --> 01:33:15,395
Yeah, I don't think so.
1553
01:33:15,590 --> 01:33:16,694
Oh.
1554
01:33:16,891 --> 01:33:18,768
Dad, are we stuck?
1555
01:33:19,060 --> 01:33:20,698
Looks that way, pal.
1556
01:33:21,729 --> 01:33:23,902
My eyes, they're starting to bulge.
1557
01:33:24,065 --> 01:33:25,976
I'm sure they'll have us down any minute.
1558
01:33:31,806 --> 01:33:35,379
Well, guys, what'd you think
of Walley World?
1559
01:33:38,046 --> 01:33:39,150
Yeah.
1560
01:33:40,748 --> 01:33:44,890
Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much ifs
meant to me to spend all this time with you.
1561
01:33:45,386 --> 01:33:47,491
I love you more than anyihing in the world.
1562
01:33:47,655 --> 01:33:50,829
And if I could, I'd spend
every single day with you.
1563
01:33:51,893 --> 01:33:53,463
So we'll see you in a week.
1564
01:33:54,429 --> 01:33:57,410
- Wait, what's going on?
-Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare...
1565
01:33:57,565 --> 01:34:00,444
...and you'll stay with them.
-Where are we going?
1566
01:34:00,635 --> 01:34:03,616
Someplace I should've taken you
a longtime ago.
1567
01:34:03,771 --> 01:34:06,081
How did you get free tickets to Paris?
1568
01:34:06,241 --> 01:34:08,084
I used my connections as a pilot.
1569
01:34:08,243 --> 01:34:10,519
Oh, you're amazing, heh.
1570
01:34:11,179 --> 01:34:15,150
Well, you are my queen, and you
deserve lo be treated like one.
1571
01:34:20,622 --> 01:34:23,796
I know it's not exactly first-class...
1572
01:34:24,192 --> 01:34:26,502
...or coach...
-Honey...
1573
01:34:26,694 --> 01:34:29,334
...it's perfect.
-Yeah?
1574
01:34:39,641 --> 01:34:40,711
So...
1575
01:34:41,142 --> 01:34:42,348
...how long is the flight?
1576
01:34:42,510 --> 01:34:43,853
Twelve hours.
1577
01:34:45,313 --> 01:34:46,656
Perfect.